Pilot |
| The Spirit of Christmas (Jesus vs. Santa) |
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Jesus and Santa are having a fight at South Park Mall. Kenny's head gets chopped. |
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b: UNAIRED |
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NOTE: This short was made for FOX executive to send out to his friends as a Christmas card. |
| The Spirit of Christmas |
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Four children, all but one of whom go unnamed, build a snowman which comes to life and threatens their town. Kenny, the only child whose name is given in the film, and who resembles the character called Cartman, is immediately killed by the monster. When the children go to Santa for help, he is revealed to be the monster in disguise, and slaughters another of the kids. The two survivors approach the baby Jesus, who takes on the evil snowman and wins, saving Christmas. |
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b: UNAIRED |
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NOTE: A clip from this episode can be seen in first four seasons of the show's opening credits. It is the scene where the Snowman comes to life and strangles Cartman. |
| Pilot |
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This was a long, un-censored version of "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe". |
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b: UNAIRED |
Season 1 |
| 1. Cartman Gets an Anal Probe |
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The boys are at the bus stop waiting to go back for their first day of school. Kyle tries to get rid of his little brother Ike by playing "Kick the Baby". Cartman lets out a loud yawn prompting the others to ask him why he is so tired and he tells them about his dream of a close encounter. The other boys are convinced his dream was real and that Cartman met with "visitors" from another world. When Chef stops and asks the boys if they saw an alien ship last night, they tell him about Cartman's encounter. Chef tells them that it might be possible that Cartman was the victim of an anal probe and that they should keep their eyes on him. When the bus finally picks them up and starts leaving, Kyle sees his little brother Ike in the company of "visitors." He worries about what is going to happen to his little brother, but Ms. Crabtree won't let him off of the bus. At a nearby cattle ranch, Officer Barbrady is investigating a cattle mutilation. He sees nothing unusual about a cow turning itself inside out. The cattle are enticed by a "visitor" and they stampede off into the visitor's direction. Officer Barbrady promises to find those cows. In the 3rd grade class at South Park Elementary, Mr. Garrison (with his hand puppet "Mr. Hat") tries to teach children. Kyle continues to worry about his little probe and tries to be excused; meanwhile Cartman starts to shoot fire out of his ass. The cows are lined up for the next train to Denver. The engineer won't let them on board. The cows scramble when Officer Barbrady is on their trail. Cartman continues to show signs of trouble with his ass. When Wendy Testaburger is spotted; Stan who is infatuated with her but denies it, throws up. He gets a note from her to meet her after school at Stark's Pond. Kyle tries to figure out how to get out of school to rescue his little brother. They ask for Chef's advice, but he breaks into a song about making love to a woman, something that is far from their minds at the moment. When he stops they tell him about Ike being taken by "visitors" and at the same moment, a "symbiotic metamorphosis device" appears out of Cartman's ass. Cartman still doesn't believe it. Chef pulls the fire alarm, getting the boys out of school. Cartman shows definitive signs of being affected by the "visitors" when they take him over and he breaks into song. After it's over, even Cartman seems like he might believe. No he still doesn't believe he is under their control. Then they see the "visitor's" ship. They throw a rock at it, and it fires back, knocking Kenny out into the middle of the road. He seems okay, even after being trampled by a herd of cattle; that is until Officer Barbrady runs him over with his police car. Cartman still doesn't believe in the "visitors", despite Kenny's death. Cartman says "screw you guys, I'm going home" and he does. Kyle looks to Stan to continue helping him, but Stan has a date with Wendy at Stark's Pond. At the pond, Stan keeps throwing up in Wendy's presence. On TV Cartman sees a news report that shows a crop circle that looks like Cartman, he thinks its Tom Selleck. Wendy suggests that they use Cartman as bait to bring the out in the open. They tie him to a tree, hoping that he will fart enough to bring the visitors. Even when an eighty foot satellite dish appears about his ass, Cartman still doesn't believe in the aliens. Their ships arrive and the "visitors" appear in front of the boys. Kyle pleads for the return of his little brother. When they don't appear to be complying with his request, Kyle reads them the riot act. Kyle spots his little brother on the "visitors" ships and pleads with him to leave the ship, which Ike finally does. Meanwhile, the "visitors" meet with the cows of earth, finding them to be the most intelligent and wise creatures on Earth. They leave the cows with a gift before they leave. Cartman is sucked into "visitors" ship as it starts to leave. Everything is over, leaving Wendy and Stan with some time to spend together, which they do by talking about the contents of Stan's latest throw up. At the bus stop Kyle and Stan wonder what became of Cartman and what it was that the "visitors" gave to the cows. The cows use their new device on Officer Barbrady. Cartman is dropped from the sky by the aliens just in time to go to school. He tells them about his dream, which they tell him all really happened, including getting pink-eye from Scott Baio. |
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b: 13-Aug-97 pc: 101 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone d: UNCREDITED |
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NOTE: That real picture next to Cartman's couch is a picture of one of the creator's sister. |
| 2. Volcano |
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The boys are off on a hunting trip with Stan's Uncle Jimbo and Jimbo has brought along his war veteran friend Ned. They learn about some of the technicalities of hunting, such as how to shoot at endangered species, legally. When Stan looks a rabbit in the eye, he decides that he can't shoot it, disappointing his Uncle Jimbo. Meanwhile, in the background, Mt Evanson, the volcano located just outside of town starts rumbling. Local geologist Randy Marsh reports to the mayor that South Park is "totally screwed". Chef informs the mayor that the children are up in the mountains camping; so the mayor mobilizes the media and the citizens to save South Park and the children. Meanwhile, Kenny wins the favor of Jimbo, much to Stan's dismay. Cartman tries to scare the others with the story of "Skuzzle-butt," a monster with a hand of celery, leg of Patrick Duffy and a penchant for weaving wicker baskets. Of course, they don't believe him. So Cartman disguises himself as "Skuzzle-butt," but starts running for his life when Jimbo and the other begin hunting him. Then the volcano erupts and the trench dug by the town cuts the boys, Jimbo and Ned from safety. It's up to a mythical creature to save the day, which Stan later rewards by shooting it. Kenny dies when Ned drops his gun and it accidentally goes off, despite previously being torched by hot lava, and being out of ammo. |
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b: 20-Aug-97 pc: 103 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone d: UNCREDITED |
| 3. Weight Gain 4000 |
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Cartman wins best environmental essay and Kathy Lee Gifford comes to South Park to give him the trophy but it's interrupted when Mr. Garrison tries to kill Kathy Lee Gifford. Kenny dies when he's catapulted into the air and gets shot by Mr. Garrison (who's trying to kill Kathy Lee Gifford) and lands on the flagpole, thus impaling him. |
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b: 27-Aug-97 pc: 102 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone d: UNCREDITED |
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NOTE: Although shown third on original broadcast, this episode was the second one to be made, and is nearly always shown second on re-runs. |
| 4. Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride |
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The boys suspect that Stan's new dog Sparky is gay, especially when they witness Sparky mounting another male dog. At football practice, the boys prepare for the big homecoming game against Middle Park. The boys don't really know what it all means, but the Alumni, which include Uncle Jimbo and Ned, are concerned. With Stan as quarterback, Uncle Jimbo is certain the Cows will beat the 70 point spread that is in favor of Middle Park Cowboys. Sparky arrives at the football field and he rapes another male dog. Cartman makes a presentation on Simon & Simon and gets a D-, since it was supposed to be on Asian cultures. Stan makes a similarly weak presentation, but gets an A-; after all he is the star quarterback. Stan asks Mr. Garrison what a homosexual is. Mr. Garrison says that they "are evil, right down to their cold black hearts". When the boys get back home, Sparky is there to greet them wearing a pink scarf. Stan demands that his dog not be gay. At the sports book, when Uncle Jimbo puts $500 down on the Cows to win, everyone else starts putting there money down as well. That makes Uncle Jimbo nervous, so he decides they better have a backup plan. He finds out that John Stamos's older brother Richard will be singing "Loving You" during the half-time program. The boys try to make Sparky heterosexual. Stan calls into the "Jesus and Pals" show, but his question is cut-off. Stan pleads for help, upon hearing that Sparky runs away. Chef coaches the boys on making sweet love to the football. Uncle Jimbo obtains a bomb, which he plans to denote to when Richard Stamos reaches a high F during "Loving You". Stan is down, his dog is gay and missing. Meanwhile, on the run Sparky finds "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary". Until Stan finds his dog, he isn't planning on playing any football. Uncle Jimbo attaches his bomb to the Middle Park Mascot. Stan searches for Sparky on the day of the big game. Chef awaits Stan's arrival. The game begins and Kyle is put in as quarterback. Stan comes across the sanctuary and is given a tour by Big Gay Al as they look for his dog. Meanwhile the Cowboys are beating the Cows. They find his dog in disco and Stan plans to take Sparky home so they can work on Sparky not being gay together. Big Gay Al hears this and takes Stan on "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride", where Stan learns about homosexuality through the ages. The Cowboys are killing the Cows (we'll Kenny anyway). At half-time, Richard Stamos starts singing "Loving You" and fails to hit the high F. An educated Stan leaves the sanctuary and returns to the football field in time for the end of the last quarter. One touchdown is all that is needed to beat the spread at with Stan at quarterback they do just that. In his interview after the game Stan tries to tell the people of South Park "that it's okay to be gay" and about the "Big Gay Animal Sanctuary". He takes them to where the sanctuary was, but doesn't find it there. The townsfolk do however find their runaway pets. "Big Gay Al" appears and thanks Stan for bringing everyone and he disappears. Finally Richard Stamos hits the high F and the Middle Park mascot explodes. |
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b: 03-Sep-97 pc: 104 w: Trey Parker and Matt Stone d: UNCREDITED |
| 5. An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig |
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Kyle has received a pet elephant via mail order from Africa. The elephant is much too much big for Kyle to keep in the house, so he tries to bring it to school. Cartman mentions that he got a pot-bellied pig which is small enough to keep in the house. Mr. Hat teaches the class about genetic engineering. Kyle asks if an elephant using genetic engineering can be made smaller, Mr. Garrison supposes that it could be done. Kyle plans to cross breed his elephant with Cartman's pig, but faces a challenge from fellow student Terrence who believes that he could clone an entire human being before Kyle can breed an elephant with a pig. Both are allowed to use this for their science fair projects. Mr. Garrison asks Stan about his black eye, but tells him not to waste his time with "pansy little foo foo problems" when Stan admits that his sister Shelly gave him the black eye. Back at home, Stan suffers more abuse from his sister. The boys visit the South Park Genetic Engineering ranch and Dr. Mephisto tells them that what they want to do is impossible. Dr. Mephisto swipes a sample of Stan's blood. Terrence has cloned a foot and plans to have a whole person by Friday. The boys ask Chef for advice. He tells them that all they really need to do to cross breed the elephant and the pig is to have them make sweet love to each other. Stan suffers more abuse from Shelly. The boys try getting the elephant and the pig drunk, but it takes Chef and Elton John to set the mood. An elephant makes love to a pig. Back at the South Park Genetic Engineering ranch, Terrence and his father (Dr. Mephisto) have create a human big-headed clone of Stan who escapes and goes on a rampage. Dr. Mephisto warns the boys about the escaped big-headed clone. The big-headed clone is on the rampage in downtown South Park. Stan gets the big-headed clone to come home with him, so that he can take his revenge on Shelly. Dr. Mephisto reclaims his clone and Stan is worried he is going to get into trouble for all the damage his clone had caused. Shelly comes to his defense, only so that she may abuse him further. When the science fair projects are turned in, Terrence presents a five-assed monkey and Cartman's pig gives birth. Only the result looks nothing like a elephant-pig combination, rather a pig that looks like Mr. Garrison. |
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b: 10-Sep-97 pc: 105 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, Dan Sterling d: UNCREDITED |
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NOTE: The original title to this was "An Elephant F--ks A Pig", but the censors didn't like it. |
| 6. Death |
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It's Stan's grandfather's 102nd birthday and all he wants is to be dead. He tries to trick the boys into killing him. Kyle's mother is outraged when she finds him watching a program filled with toilet humor called Terrance and Phillip. Kenny has explosive diarrhea. The boys are accused of trying to kill Stan's grandfather. When they mention they were watching Terrance and Phillip at the time, Mrs. Broflovski and the parents of South Park travel to New York City to fight the network that airs the program and their own case of diarrhea. Kenny dies when he gets the touch of death from the Grim Reaper. |
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b: 17-Sep-97 pc: 106 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone d: UNCREDITED |
| 7. Pink Eye |
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After Kenny is killed he is taken to the South Park mortuary, where Worcestershire sauce gets mixed in with the embalming fluid, turning him into a zombie. He leaves the mortuary after biting the two attendants and they also become zombies. The morgue attendants go out and begin turning the citizens of South Park into zombies. Meanwhile, Kenny the zombie joins the other boys as they prepare for Halloween. Kyle has a Chewbacca costume (but so does just about every other kid in South Park), Stan dresses up like Raggedy Andy (because Wendy is supposed to be Raggedy Ann, instead she wears a Chewbacca costume) and Cartman dresses up as Adolf Hitler (and later a KKK member). Kenny dies when the Mir space station falls on him. After being brought back to life he's killed again when Kyle saws him in half with a chainsaw. At the end he comes out of his grave and a statue of an angel falls on him proceeded by a plane crashing into the statue. |
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b: 29-Oct-97 pc: 107 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, Philip Stark d: UNCREDITED |
| 8. Starvin' Marvin |
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To get a free Teiko digital sports watch, the boys sponsor a poor starving child in Ethiopia. However, instead of the watch being delivered, an Ethiopian is delivered. The boys name him "Starvin' Marvin". When the mistake is discovered, the government comes to collect "Starvin' Marvin" to return him to Africa, but mistakenly take Cartman instead. Cartman tries to desperately get back home. Meanwhile, mutant turkeys have escaped from Dr. Mephisto's genetic laboratory and are terrorizing South Park. Kenny dies when he's plucked to death by the turkeys in a Braveheart-like sequence, where Chef leads the citizens of South Park into battle against the turkeys. |
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b: 19-Nov-97 pc: 109 w: Trey Parker d: UNCREDITED |
| 9. Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo |
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Mr. Garrison directs the children's school Christmas play and Kyle's mom protests Kyle's participation, particularly because he is Jewish. The other children find out that Kyle doesn't celebrate Christmas. When asked what he can do for the Christmas play that isn't related to Jesus, Kyle suggests that he can sing the "Mr. Hankey" song. He breaks into the song but is interrupted when he mentions "Christmas Poo". Later on the playground he tells everyone the story of Mr. Hankey. Left alone by the others, Kyle breaks into the song "The Lonely Jew on Christmas". At City Hall the citizens protest everything about Christmas. The mayor seeks a new icon for Christmas and Kyle suggests Mr. Hankey and his mother quickly takes him home. The mayor promises everyone a non-offensive Christmas. Kyle's parents try to dissuade him from his belief in Mr. Hankey. While in the bathroom brushing his teeth, Kyle hears a call from the bowl, it's Mr. Hankey, who comes for a visit. Mr. Hankey jumps around the bathroom as he breaks into the song "Santa Claus is on His Way". When Kyle's parents look into the bathroom, all they see are the tracks Mr. Hankey has left behind and their son holding a piece of Poo in his hand. The town removes all the offensive Christmas paraphernalia as Kyle introduces his friends to Mr. Hankey, a piece of Poo in a shoe box. With the new law in place, Mr. Garrison searches for a new song for the Christmas play, Cartman suggests "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" in D minor and he breaks into song. During the song Mr. Hankey is outraged at the lyrical content and launches himself at Cartman at the end. Everyone else sees a piece of Poo hitting Cartman in the face. Kyle is sent to see Mr. Mackey, who diagnoses him as having fecal-philia. Mr. Hankey makes another appearance, this time in Mr. Mackey's coffee cup. The boys bring Kyle to the mental hospital to have him committed as a "clinically depressed fecal-philiac on Prozac". The Christmas play goes on as Kyle sits in the mental hospital singing "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel". Before the kids start, Chef sings one of his songs. When the kids perform, they do so with the musical accompaniment of minimalist composer, Philip Glass. No one likes the performance and they begin to blame each other, resulting in a fight breaking out. Chef asks where Kyle is and Stan and Cartman tell them he was committed because of the Christmas Poo that Chef recognizes as being Mr. Hankey. A live action commercial for the "Mr. Hankey Construction Set" airs before the regular commercials air. When the children begin to believe in Mr. Hankey, he appears. Cartman goes home, drawing the line at talking Poo. Mr. Hankey gets the town's attention and gets his message across. He reappears with the town at the mental hospital where the whole town is gathered to sing "Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo". |
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b: 17-Dec-97 pc: 110 w: Trey Parker d: UNCREDITED |
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NOTE: During a spring 2002 rerun cycle, this was named by Comedy Central as the 4th most "notorious" episode of the series. |
| 10. Damien |
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Excitement builds as Cartman's birthday is coming this Saturday and he is letting everyone know what present he expects to receive from each. A new student joins the class, Damien, son of Satan, from the seventh layer of Hell. Damien turns Kenny into a duck-billed platypus. The school feels the wrath of Damien, who demands to speak with Jesus. The kids return from the cable studio with Jesus and Damien, on his father's behalf, calls Jesus out. Tomorrow at the South Park Forum it's Jesus vs. Satan in the final battle of good versus evil, only on pay per view for $44.95. The event is scheduled at the same time as Cartman's party and the children are in a quandary, Cartman's party or the final battle. Satan appears for the weigh-in, he is huge and weighs a little over 300 hundred pounds, Jesus weighs a mere 135 pounds, 1 ounce. The citizens of South Park begin losing faith in Jesus and their betting slips. Damien gets counseling from Mr. Mackey who recommends that he just try being nice no matter what the other children do, after all it works for that English kid Pip. Jesus confronts the South Park residents about their changed betting slips, only one resident is still betting on Jesus to win. Jesus asks the children to help him train. Cartman's birthday party begins, as does the fight. When Cartman discovers that Kyle didn't get him the present he wanted, the party is over. Chef and the children make it for the end of the fight and offer Jesus some words of encouragement. He finally hits Satan who goes down for the count and throws the fight; after all it was Satan who bet on Jesus to win. Kenny dies when Jimbo shoots him after identifying him as a rare duck-billed platypus, that's coming right at him. |
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b: 04-Feb-98 pc: 108 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone d: UNCREDITED |
| 11. Tom's Rhinoplasty |
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Mr. Garrison takes some time off for a surgical procedure as a result his class gets a beautiful substitute teacher named Ms. Ellen. Wendy becomes jealous when Stan seems to be infatuated with Ms. Ellen and she warns Ms. Ellen: "Don't 'beep' with me". Chef tries to sing his way into Ms. Ellen's heart, but when she rejects him, Chef is convinced she is a lesbian. The boys try to become lesbians, so that Ms. Ellen will like them. Mr. Garrison recovers from his surgery, a nose job, looking like David Hasselhoff. Mr. Garrison officially quits his job to enjoy all that his new looks provide. When Stan wins a dinner with Ms. Ellen, Wendy proves that she shouldn't be "beeped" with. Kenny dies when a sword thrown towards him by Ms. Ellen stabs him in the face and pins him to the wall. |
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b: 11-Feb-98 pc: 111 w: Trey Parker d: UNCREDITED |
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NOTE: In the opening credits, Natasha Henstridge is billed as "The Chick From Species". |
| 12. Mecha-Streisand |
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The children are on an archaeological dig and Cartman finds a magic triangle, but throws it away. Kyle picks it up and gets media attention for his discovery. Kyle takes it home and hides it. At school, Leonard Maltin asks Chef is he has seen Barbra Streisand around. Meanwhile, the boys are making a snowman and are visited by Ms. Streisand. She asks them about the triangle. Chef and Leonard Maltin search for the children and/or Barbra Streisand. Barbra in the meantime reveals that she has the companion triangle, hoping to complete the set and allowing for the "dawn of Zinthar." Cartman breaks into Kyle's bedroom to get the triangle back. Kyle gives it to him. Chef and Leonard Maltin keep looking for Streisand's mountain condo. Chef demands to know what it is all about. Matlin tells him about Streisand's plan to get the other triangle, join it with the one she has completing the "The Diamond of Pantios" and allowing her to become Mecha-Streisand. Streisand tries to trick the boys out of the triangle. Cartman agrees to sell her the triangle. Back in Hollywood, Sidney Poitier hears about "The Triangle of Zinthar" being found. Streisand has the boys held captive, trying to get the location of the triangle from them. Maltin and Chef are about to give up the search, when Maltin senses her presence. Cartman gives up the triangle and the "The Diamond of Pantios" is completed and Streisand transforms into Mecha-Streisand. Mecha-Streisand starts reeking havoc on the town of South Park. Maltin and Chef find the boys and discover that Streisand has completed the triangle. Maltin needs to get down to business, so he asks Chef to call Robert Smith of The Cure for additional help. The military (with Uncle Jimbo and Ned) try attacking Mecha-Streisand to no avail. Leonard Maltin arrives in town and transforms himself into a super-being that looks kind of like "Ultraman". Kenny dies and then Sidney Poitier arrives on the scene, transforming himself into a super-being that looks kind of like "Gamera." Maltin and Poitier try attacking Mecha-Streisand, but are no match for Mecha-Streisand. Robert Smith arrives on the scene and transforms himself into a super-being that looks kind of like "Mothra." Using his "Robot Punch", Smith manages to knock the "The Diamond of Pantios" out of Mecha-Streisand allow him to defeat her by throwing her into outer space, where she explodes. The boys throw the two triangles away, but Ike picks them out of the trash, creating Mecha-Ike as the episode closes. |
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b: 18-Feb-98 pc: 112 w: Trey Parker , Philip Stark, Matt Stone d: Trey Parker |
| 13. Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut (1) |
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As the bus stop, Cartman is missing. The other boys decide to skip school and go to check on him. At Cartman's home, they find him in the backyard having a tea party with stuffed animals. They find the sight disturbing and Stan suggests they go to get him help. They talk with Mr. Mackey who says that Eric is suffering from emotional distress. He gives them a video camera to tape Cartman's behavior so that he can make a diagnosis. The boys videotape Cartman's tea party. Later at dinner, Cartman asks him mother about who his father is. His mother starts to tell him about the birds, the bees and the "12th Annual Drunken Barn Dance." She tells him at this event that she met Chief Running Water at this event and that he is his father. At the Marsh home, Stan and Kyle are watching TV with Grandpa who switches the channel over to America's Stupidest Home Videos after they've see a commercial for an upcoming TV movie featuring Terrance & Phillip in "Not Without My Anus," an HBC movie of the week. Stan and Kyle think the ...Videos program sucks. Hearing a knock at the door, Stan answers to find Cartman dressed in Native American gear. Since he now knows he is father is a Native American Cartman tries to get in touch with his roots. Cartman wants to borrow Stan's bike so he can go to the reservation (to find his father). The boys decide they need to get their videotape over to Mr. Mackey quickly, but a chance to win $10,000 from the ...Videos program gives them other ideas on what to do with the tape. Cartman confronts Chief Running Water; who tells him that that the last man he remembers seeing his mother with was Chef. Kenny tries getting a go-cart started as Stan confirms to Kyle that he has sent their video into the ...Videos contest. Cartman shows up, no longer in Native American gear, he is now dressed like a homeboy and he plans to go "chill with my dad." Kenny gets the go started and gets dragged for a wild ride, that winds up killing him. Cartman appears at Chef's home and tells him about what Chief Running Water told him about the drunken barn dance. Chef sings him a song (that explains nothing about the question at hand). He then tells Cartman what he remembers about the barn dance; the last man he saw Cartman's mother with was Mr. Garrison (with Mr. Hat). On the ...Videos program Stan and Kyle find out their videotape of the tea party has made it to the finals. At the local bar, Cartman confronts Mr. Garrison about him being his father. Mr. Garrison lets Cartman know that there isn't anyone in South Park who hasn't sex with his mother. Dr. Mephisto offers Cartman the chance to have DNA testing done to help him find his father, at a cost of $3000. At the bus stop Cartman tells them about his need for $3000. They tell him about their chance to win $10,000 in the ...Videos contest. As the ...Videos program airs, Cartman sees their entry, his tea party, which gets him really pissed off. Unfortunately they take second place to Grandpa Marsh's videotape of Kenny being killed by the train and only get $3000, which they give to Cartman to get his DNA testing done. After the DNA testing has been done, Dr. Mephisto has narrowed the list of possible fathers down to: Officer Barbrady, Chef, Jimbo, Mr. Garrison, Ned, Chief Running Water, Gerald Broflovski, himself, his little friend Kevin or (as he says) the 1989 Denver Broncos. The narrator reiterates the question "Who is Eric Cartman's father?" and that listing (with one notable change) as the episode ends on a cliff hanger. |
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b: 25-Feb-98 pc: 113 w: Trey Parker , David Goodman d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: In a segment called "Great Destinations" that appeared during a spring 2002 rerun cycle of the series, Matt & Trey stood in front of a waterfall and introduced this episode (and its part 2) as being named by Comedy Central as the most "notorious" episode. Before part 2 began airing in the second half of that one hour event, they relate the story of their April Fool's joke of 1998, which didn't go over very well with the viewers, who took the need to know who Cartman's father was much too seriously. |
Season 2 |
| 14. Terrance & Phillip in "Not Without My Anus" |
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Terrance must go to Iraq to save his kidnapped daughter. When he comes back Saddam Hussein is planning a hostile takeover of Canada. Terrance and Phillip must now save Canada from the maniacal dictator. |
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b: 01-Apr-98 pc: 201 w: Trisha Nixon , Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: In an April Fool's joke, we were treated to this episode of Terrance and Phillip instead of resolution to the "who is Cartman's father question" that was on everyone's mind. |
| 15. Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut (2) |
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Kenny magically reappears, just as Dr. Mephisto is about to reveal who is Cartman's father; but suddenly the lights go down and a shot rings out. Dr. Mephisto has been shot. The narrator asks "Who shot Mephisto?" Mephisto is still alive, but Cartman still doesn't have his answer. The narrator asks "Who will they kill next?" Chef and the boys are driving Mephisto to the hospital when Cartman tells he needs to know this answer. He can't leave anything unfinished, like when you hear the first part of that song "Come Sail Away" by Styx, Cartman has to complete the song. Kyle tries that out on Cartman, who finishes the lyrics to that song in record time. At the mayor's office the citizens want to know what they are going to do with a killer on the loose. The director of "America's Most Wanted" shows up, anxious to recreate the scene of the crime for airing on their program. The narrator asks "Who will the director cast first?" At the Unplanned Parenthood Clinic, Cartman's mother asks for an abortion in the "40th trimester". Since the law won't allow that to occur, it is suggested that she go to see her Congressman to get the law changed. Chef and the boys arrive at the hospital, but Stan, who doesn't like hospitals, sees the conditions there and runs out. The auditions for crime scene recreation are being held, and Mr. Garrison tries out for the role of Mr. Garrison, but loses. Liane Cartman sleeps with her congressman, who suggests that she try the governor. At the hospital, the doctor has done all he can for Mephisto all they can do now is wait. They may have a lot of time on their hands as a snowstorm is hitting South Park. At rehearsals for the crime re-enactment, TV's Eric Roberts has gotten the part of Dr. Mephisto's little friend Kevin. Back at the hospital, the snowstorm has closed the pass and Chef and the boys are trapped there. The doctor and his armless nurse alone attempt to deal with all the trauma patients they've received as a result of the storm. Mephisto is on life support, which should be okay, as long as the power doesn't go out. "America's Most Wanted" starts broadcasting their recreation of the crime, when the power goes out losing their feed to the network and leaving the network to go to their feature movie, which leads the narrator to ask "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" At the hospital, the power has gone out, but the backup generator will only last about ½ hour. Liane Cartman sleeps with the governor, who suggests that she try the president. Chef and the boys are asked to help out at the hospital, meanwhile at the TV studio everyone is snowed in and trapped "like sailors on a submarine." When hunger sets in, Jimbo suggests that they may have to eat someone to stay alive. The director and the narrator both ask "Who the hell made Jimbo boss anyway?" At the hospital, Stan pukes into an open incision as the light begin to flicker. Cartman and the narrator ask "Who is screwing with the lights?" At the TV studio straws are drawn. Back at the hospital Kenny is drafted to connect up the newly discovered backup generator. At the TV studio hunger has set in and everyone there decides that they must eat Eric Roberts to stay alive. At the TV studio Eric Roberts has been eaten. At the hospital Kenny has almost reached the generator. Back at the TV studio, the director and his assistant have also been eaten. The narrator asks "Who built the pyramids?" Kenny makes the electrical connection restoring power to the hospital at the cost of his life. At the White House Liane Cartman sleeps with the president, who promises to grant her wish to terminate her pregnancy, when she realizes what she really wanted was the other "a" word, adoption. She realizes she should probably just tell her son the truth. Mephisto regains consciousness and tells them that the shooter was probably just his brother, who tries to kill him at least once a month. After the storm, those who remain uneaten in the TV studio finally are able to dig themselves out. Mr. Garrison announces that he is bringing home some "Eric Roberts in a doggie bag." In his hospital bed, Mephisto eventually reveals that Eric Cartman's father is his mother. Liane Cartman is a hermaphrodite. Since hermaphrodites cannot bear children Cartman's mother got another woman pregnant at the drunken barn dance, which leads Cartman and the narrator to ask "Who is Eric Cartman's mother?" Cartman decides to "forget it!" |
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b: 22-Apr-98 pc: 202 w: David Goodman , Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: In the second segment of "Great Destinations" that appeared during a spring 2002 rerun cycle of the series, Matt & Trey elaborate on the April Fool's joke of the previous episode and played some of the "messages" from Comedy Central's answering machine.
Matt: "Audiences like jokes, but they don't like jokes on them."
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| 16. Ike's Wee Wee |
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Mr. Mackey is suspended, rather fired, when during his drug & alcohol prevention lecture a sample of marijuana he passed around has disappeared. Kyle invites the others to come over to his brother's Bris. Stan discovers what a Bris is, they are going to chop off his wee-wee. The boys try to save Ike's penis from being chopped off. So Kyle takes Ike and puts him on a train to Nebraska and makes a fake Ike out of old bones from the butcher shop and other things. The fake Ike is killed after a dog grabs the body -- rips off its head and takes it into the street, only to be hit by a gasoline tanker truck. When his parents bury the body, Kyle finds out his brother wasn't really his brother after all, he was a baby his parent's adopted from Canada. Kyle no longer cares about his little brother, until he sees that his little brother still cares for him. They find out a Bris means that the penis will look bigger after is completed. Meanwhile an unemployed Mr. Mackey falls into a life of alcohol and drug use, which eventually gets him a trip to the Betty Ford clinic. Kenny dies when he falls into a grave and the tombstone falls and crushes him. |
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b: 20-May-98 pc: 204 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 17. Chickenlover |
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The magical world of reading comes to South Park. Barbrady is on COPS and the case that he is catches involves a chicken lover. When pressed for finding a solution to the crime, Barbrady threatens the townsfolk with violence for fishing without a license. Frustrated with living his lie that he can't read, Barbrady lets everyone know this terrible secret and he retires from the police force during a press conference about the chicken lover. With no police force, Barbrady was the only officer, the town of South Park plunges into "total anarchy." Looting and pillaging have broken out. Kenny almost dies during the rioting. The mayor demands that Barbrady take a leave of absence to learn to read. Barbrady joins the boys in Mr. Garrison's class. Meanwhile the chicken lover strikes again. Cartman gives his F worthy book report on "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," which he never read. His version has hippies. Officer Barbrady gives an A worthy report on "Go Dog Go." At recess the mayor and her staff demand that Barbrady learn to read right away, the chicken lover has struck again. The boys offer their assistance. Cartman is sent to patrol the town, while the other boys help Officer Barbrady to start following a series of reading clues to find the identity of the chicken lover. Cartman pulls over Stan's father and begins to exert his "authoritah" and is shown in a COPS-like segment called CARTMAN. Officer Barbrady is about to give up on reading, when some support from the Kyle and Stan (and Mr. Garrison's lessons) he is able to read the next clue which will take them to the petting zoo. Meanwhile on CARTMAN, Cartman goes to a domestic disturbance at the McKormick household. Cartman exerts his "authoritah" over the Kenny's parents while Kenny and (his brother!?) watch. At the petting zoo, Kenny arrives on the scene and almost dies again, when Officer Barbrady, Stan and Kyle catch the bookmobile driver as the chicken lover. It was all part of the bookmobile driver's plan to get Officer Barbrady to read. Cartman arrives on the scene and starts to exert his "authoritah" on the bookmobile driver, when Officer Barbrady shows him the proper way to exert authority when using a Billy club. Now that Officer Barbrady has learned how to read, the bookmobile driver gives him a copy of "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. The town celebrates the return of Officer Barbrady who is glad to be back. Officer Barbrady then tells the town in his speech that he was once happy to be able to learn how to read, but since he's read "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand he's sorry that he ever learned. |
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b: 27-May-98 pc: 203 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, David Goodman d: Trey Parker |
| 18. Conjoined Fetus Lady |
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Kyle is injured playing dodgeball and must go to see the school nurse. He's terrified because of the stories he's heard. When he sees the nurse, she looks fairly normal, except for the dead fetus sticking out the side of her head. Kyle's mother educates the boys on Nurse Gollum's affliction and then decides that everyone in South Park should be made aware of the condition. Meanwhile, the South Park Cows dodgeball team goes to the state, national and finally the international finals in China, thanks to the vicious balls thrown by Pip. Kenny dies when a Chinese thrown dodgeball sends him flying into the back wall. |
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b: 03-Jun-98 pc: 205 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, David Goodman d: Trey Parker |
| 19. The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka |
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Mr. Garrison assigns the boys an assignment to find out about Vietnam from someone they know. Stan's Uncle Jimbo and his friend Ned tell the boys their outrageous tale of Vietnam. Mr. Garrison doesn't believe the boy's report and gives them a detention. They plot revenge against Stan's uncle, by submitting to them a phony video of the Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka. Meanwhile, Jesus and Pals is suffering in the ratings against Jimbo and Ned's Huntin' and Killin' cable program, especially after the "Staring Frog" so the producer tries changing the format of the show, making it more like Jerry Springer. Kenny dies when two people rip him in half during a taping of Jesus and Pals. |
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b: 10-Jun-98 pc: 206 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone d: Trey Parker |
| 20. City on the Edge of Forever (a.k.a. Flashbacks) |
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The children are riding on the school bus during a snowstorm; Cartman is eating a whole chocolate cake by himself. Ms. Crabtree stops the bus and demands that they all keep quiet, or she will shoot the cute little bunny. The road is closed due to an avalanche, so Ms. Crabtree takes the bus down a detour. She is distracted by an expletive Kyle says and the bus plunges over the side of a cliff into a river and over a waterfall. The bus winds up perched on the edge of a cliff. Ms. Crabtree leaves the bus in search of help; meanwhile the children are left dangling over the edge of the cliff, under the threat that a scary monster will eat them. Ms. Crabtree gets a ride from a passing truck driver; she takes one of the driver's aspirin, only it isn't aspirin, it's a "roofy". Meanwhile, back at the cliff, Stan and Kyle reminisce about one of their past adventures, the time where Cartman had an anal probe and everyone got ice cream. Ms. Crabtree and the driver stop at Pauly Shore's Funny Pit!!, where Ms. Crabtree starts shouting abuse at the stage, which breaks everyone up and she becomes a comedy hit. Back at the bus, the kid with a red shirt, a la Star Trek leaves the bus, and is eaten by the scary monster. Back at home the parents are worried about their children. In Denver Ms. Crabtree is brought to see a talent agent, she also believes that she's forgotten something. Back at the bus, the children try to figure out who the scary monster might be. They remember the time met the scary monster called "Skuzzle-butt" that had TV's Brent Musburger for a leg, back when they went hunting with Uncle Jimbo, Ned and everyone got ice cream. Then thinking that he might be a monster they recall the time that Mr. Garrison tried to kill Kathie Lee Gifford and everyone got ice cream. In Los Angeles, Ms. Crabtree asks for another "roofy" just before she makes her appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Back in South Park, Mr. Mackey tells the worried parents of the children, that they children may have just run away. On the bus, Kenny reminds them of the time that they were on the run from death. Just then the monster rips the top of the bus off and eats Kenny. Ms. Crabtree is a success, but she chooses to give up her new career. Back at the bus, Cartman reminds them all of the time that Fonzie jumped his motorcycle over a bunch of school buses, killed Kenny and got an ice cream cone. The children wonder what they are going to do. The bus is tipping, but children get it stabilized and recall the time when the kid with the red shirt left the bus and was eaten by the monster and they all got ice cream. On the bus, the children see a news report which features their parents singing out to their runaway children to come home. Cartman remembers the time where he found out that John Elway was his father and he got to eat ice cream. Stan and Kyle remind that his father was his mother and the outraged Cartman moves towards them only to have all the activity send the bus hurtling over the edge of the cliff. In the end it turns out that it was all a dream that Stan was having about Cartman having a nightmare. |
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b: 17-Jun-98 pc: 207 w: Trey Parker , Nancy M. Pimental d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Brent Musburger's name is misspelled in the end credits as Musberger. |
| 21. Summer Sucks |
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School's out for summer and Mr. Hat is missing, sending Mr. Garrison over the edge. The state's ban on the sale of fireworks screws up the boy's and the mayor's plans for the 4th of July celebration. The mayor settles for a snake, but not one of an ordinary size, theirs will be the biggest in the world. Cartman takes swimming lessons, in the community pool where all the first graders usually pee. When the community's snake is lit, the result begins to take over the country. Meanwhile, Chef is vacationing on a tropical island; Mr. Garrison seeks psychiatric help from Dr. Katz and Jimbo and Ned go to Mexico, in an attempt to bring illegal fireworks back to the children of America. Kenny dies when the snake knocks over the bleachers, which fall and crush him. |
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b: 24-Jun-98 pc: 208 w: Nancy M. Pimental , Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 22. Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls |
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The organizers of an independent film festival that has gotten too big for the small mountain town it is being held in (think Sundance, Utah) decide they need to move to another small mountain town (enter South Park, Colorado). The moment the film festival banner goes up, the town becomes overcrowded. Mr. Garrison assigns his students the task of going to see one of the independent films and writing a paper on it. Chef has set up a stand to sell his cookies "Fudge `Ems", "Fudge This", "Go Fudge Yourself", "I Don't Really Give a Flying Fudge" and "I Just Went and Fudged Your Momma". Stan goes to see an independent film with Wendy and the content is shocking to Stan. Meanwhile in the bathroom, Kyle believes he has heard the call of Mr. Hankey. At the festival, celebrities such as TV's Fred Savage begin to arrive, as the organizers' plans to destroy South Park, like they did Sundance are revealed. With his fudge not selling, Chef changes his recipe over to "Chocolate Salty Balls". Chef sings about his balls as the boys consider going into the sewer, when Kyle again hears the call of Mr. Hankey. The boys navigate the sewer in search of Mr. Hankey. When they find him, Mr. Hankey calls upon them for help; the overcrowding caused by the film festival is having a devastating effect on the sewer system of South Park. The boys interrupt the start of independent film to plead Mr. Hankey's case, but the movie people interpret Kyle's pleading as a pitch and Cartman sells them the rights. In the meantime, the people from LA build a "Hollywood Planet" restaurant on what was the site of the old library. Wendy and Stan go to see another independent film, this one is titled "Me & Mr. Hankey" starring Tom Hanks and a monkey they call "Mr. Hankey". Kyle brings Mr. Hankey to the surface, to try and get his message out. The town, the children and Chef realize that they have sold out. Kyle brings Mr. Hankey to the organizers on to show them a dried-out piece of crap. Mr. Hankey makes a death bed confession to Kyle. At the hospital and on life-support Mr. Hankey barely holds on, but he starts to become energized by one of Chef's "Salty Chocolate Balls". When his pleas aren't heard and thoroughly energized by the Salty Chocolate Balls Mr. Hankey reeks havoc on the film people a la "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" segment of "Fantasia", only with lots of sewage instead of water. |
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b: 19-Aug-98 pc: 209 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, Nancy M. Pimental d: Trey Parker |
| 23. Chickenpox |
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Kyle, Stan and Cartman's mother plot to give them all the chickenpox by sending them over to Kenny's for a sleepover. Both Stan and Cartman breakout, but Kyle remains immune. Kyle discovers "the parental conspiracy", and with the other boys, they hire a prostitute to give their parent's herpes. Meanwhile, Kenny's mother and Kyle's mother reunite their husbands who were both childhood friends who drifted apart. Kenny dies from the chickenpox. |
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b: 26-Aug-98 pc: 210 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, Trisha Nixon d: Trey Parker |
| 24. Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods |
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The kids go on a field trip to the planetarium. Dr. Adams, the guy who runs the place, hypnotizes all the children and tells them all that they love the planetarium and want to volunteer. All of the children except, Cartman, he's snuck out to participate in the Cheesy Poof commercial talent search, where he wins and moves onto the regional competition. An escapee from the planetarium tries to warn about the evils of the planetarium; Mr. Mackey uses a mind meld to get at the meaning of the escapee's message. As usual Stan and Kyle, with Kenny's sacrifice try to get to bottom of the mystery. Meanwhile, Cartman goes to the national competition and wins by default when the other contestants have become volunteers at the planetarium. Of course, so have most of the residents of South Park. He makes the commercial, but winds up saving the day when he gets pissed off and goes to the planetarium because there was no one around to watch his television debut. Kenny dies when his head explodes because Stan and Kyle were playing with buttons and dials while trying to figure out what makes them like the planetarium so much. |
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b: 02-Sep-98 pc: 211 w: Trey Parker , David Goodman d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: In the final shot of the episode, of Cartman, in the left-hand side of the picture the out-line of one of the alien visitors can be seen hidden amongst the planetarium lights. |
| 25. Clubhouses |
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The boys are playing Americans versus Bosnians when Wendy comes over to convince Stan that he needs to build a clubhouse, so that he and Kyle can play "Truth or Dare" with Wendy and her friend Bebe, who really likes Kyle's "hot ass". Stan asks his dad for help in building his clubhouse, but Randy has to deal with Sharon's missing ring and her other issues. Cartman and Kenny find out about Stan and Kyle's clubhouse and decide to build their own. Stan is caught passing a note in class and Mr. Garrison makes him read in front of the class. Since the note was from Bebe to Kyle, the note contains Bebe's extreme interest in Kyle's ass. Stan's parents are brought in to Mr. Mackey's office to deal with Stan's discipline problem. Mr. Mackey turns from being a school guidance counselor to being a marriage counselor for the Marshes. Cartman and Kenny's clubhouse is nearly complete, so Cartman sends Kenny off to find some chicks. At Stan and Kyle's clubhouse the work continues, but they realize they don't know how to play "Truth or Dare", so Stan goes to Chef for advice. Chef gives him a strategy for playing, say "truth" the first couple of times to not appear so eager. Meanwhile, Kenny returns to Cartman's with two runaway teenage girls. Cartman calls Stan to rub it in. Stan wants his father's help with the clubhouse; only his mother tells them that his father is no longer living there as they've gotten a divorce. She introduces Stan to his new stepfather Roy. Stan and Kyle complete their clubhouse, but when Stan goes to get Wendy and Bebe his mother informs him that he must go and see his father, since it is time for his father's visitation rights. A quick visit with his father leaves Stan confused. The girls come to Stan and Kyle's clubhouse for a game of "Truth or Dare". Kyle is asked first and says "dare", only to have to kiss Bebe on the lips, which he finds gross, so he goes running out of the clubhouse. Stan's turn is interrupted by Roy. At Cartman and Kenny's clubhouse, the teenage girls are joined by some teenage boys. Bebe breaks up with Kyle, who was unaware that they were going out. Stan looks for a way to get rid of his stepfather and get his parents back together. He finds some useful advice in a "Fat Abbott" cartoon. Meanwhile at Cartman & Kenny's clubhouse, the place is overrun with teenagers and Randy Marsh. Cartman finds out that he is not going to be able to play "Truth or Dare" with the teenage girls, just as the most pit is formed. Stan is able to get his parents back together talking in his clubhouse as Roy is caught in a bear trap. The girls return to Stan's clubhouse and Stan answers "dare" only to be told to jam a stick up his pee-hole. Meanwhile Roy is still swinging in the bear trap. |
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b: 23-Sep-98 pc: 212 w: Trey Parker , Nancy M. Pimental d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This is the only episode where Cartman said "Oh my God, they killed Kenny." |
| 26. Cow Days |
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A couple that hasn't had a vacation in years, wins a trip to South Park, Colorado in time for "Cow Days". When "Cow Days" opens, a memorial statue to the cows of South Park is unveiled. The cows are disinterested in the annual running of the cows instead they become transfixed on the memorial statue and later they relocate the memorial. The citizens of South Park are convinced that the tourists haven stolen their memorial statue. In the meantime, the boys try to win Terrance and Philip dolls from a fixed carnival game. When Kyle gets some money from his mother, Cartman gets them to spend most all of it on cheap carnival rides. To get the money they need to win the dolls, Kyle signs Cartman up for a bull-riding contest. Unfortunately an accident during practice has Cartman believing he is a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Li. Jimbo, Ned and the FBI find the cows, but the cows decide to commit mass suicide. The town declares "shenanigans" on the cheap carnival and takes their brooms to the workers. Meanwhile, the towns to tourists rot in jail for a crime they didn't commit. Kenny dies when he's speared by the horn of the bull Cartman was riding during the contest. |
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b: 30-Sep-98 pc: 213 w: Trey Parker , David Goodman d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: In this episode, Kenny distinctly says "Oh my god, they killed Cartman!", to which Kyle responds "No, we didn't kill him. He's still breathing." |
| 27. Chef Aid |
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Chef hears a song that Cartman can't get out his head and Chef says that he wrote that song over twenty years ago. When Chef and the boys visit the record company, the record company says they are going to sue him. Capitalist Records hires Johnny Cochran, who uses the Chewbacca defense, the same defense that he used in the Simpson trial. "It does not make sense." Chef's found guilty and is fined $2 million or he must spend 4 years in jail. Chef plans to raise the $2 million dollars to hire Johnnie Cochran for himself. The boys appeal to Chef's friends in the music business to try raising the money and Chef prostitutes himself. When they fall short of the goal, Chef is put into jail. The boys start "Chef Aid", and all of Chef's rock friends pitch in. Moved by the music, Johnnie Cochran agrees to take on Chef's case, free of charge. Meanwhile, Mr. Hat is stalking Mr. Garrison and Mr. Twig and Mr. Garrison is put in jail for being crazier than normal. Mr. Hat breaks Garrison and Chef out of jail. Kenny dies when Ozzy Osbourne bites his head off during his act. |
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b: 07-Oct-98 pc: 214 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: The album 'Chef Aid' was (surprise surprise) spun off from this episode. It features the acts that feature in the episode, as well as some additional ones. (Three versions of the 'Chef Aid' album actually exist: a 'toned down' version, the 'normal' version, and an extra-rude version!) |
| 28. Spooky Fish |
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Stan, Kyle and Kenny are creeped out when Cartman is actually nice to them. Sharon Marsh's Aunt Flo makes her monthly visit, and she has presents for Shelly and Stan. Stan's present is a fish, only this fish has a "spooky" look about it. Cartman returns to his normal "hella" self; but also still appears to be doing nice things. Stan's fish really freaks him out, especially when the dead bodies start piling up. Sharon Marsh, convinced Stan is doing the killings, begins hiding the bodies. The boys discover there are two Cartmans, the nice one and Stan's fish have come from an evil parallel dimension. Officer Barbrady investigates the disappearances and finds himself chained up in the Marsh's basement. The gateway to the parallel dimension is found at the "Indian Burial Ground Pet Store". Evil Stan and Evil Kyle crossover to get their Cartman back and wreck the pet store, opening the cages and unleashing the evil pets on the citizens of South Park. Meanwhile the boys enter a pumpkin-carving contest. Kenny dies when Stan's fish kills him. |
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b: 28-Oct-98 pc: 215 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This episode was broadcast in "Spooky Vision," which consisted of images of Barbra Streisand located in each corner of the screen, throughout the entire episode. |
| 29. Merry Christmas Charlie Manson! |
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Stan asks permission to go to Cartman's grandmother's house in Nebraska and he is denied. So he goes anyway. At Grandma's Cartman hopes for a cool present, instead he gets a new shirt. At dinner they meet Cartman's Uncle Howard, live via satellite from the state prison. Later that night the boys hear someone breaking in; its Uncle Howard and his friend Charlie Manson. The boys want to go to the mall to see Mr. Hankey, but no one in the family will take them. Eric is asked to keep an eye on his cousin Elvin. Charlie offers to take the boys to the mall. At the mall Kenny goes off with Charlie as Kyle exposes the fake Mr. Hankey and a riot breaks out. Charlie has become obsessed with holiday specials and takes time out to watch "The Grinchiepoo". They escape from the mall when the riot police recognize Charlie. Charlie gets everyone back to the Cartman house, where he and Uncle Howard hold everyone hostage. Stan's parents arrive and express their disappointment in him. Stan asks to make an escape with Uncle Howard and Charlie and Charlie talks to him about the meaning of family. Charlie has the white flag flown and surrenders. Manson shows more remorse and is visited in his cell by the Cartman family and the boys, who all say "Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!" and sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" a la A Charlie Brown Christmas Special. |
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b: 09-Dec-98 pc: 216 w: Trey Parker , Nancy M. Pimental d: Eric Stough |
| 30. Gnomes |
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Mr. Garrison tells the children that the school board is planning to fire him, unless he gets the children to start learning something about the current events happen in South Park. So he breaks the class up into groups. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny are joined by a kid (who appears really wired) named Tweek. They don't want him and Tweek feels he can handle the pressure of this project. The source of Tweek being wired might just have to do with the fact that his father owns South Park's gourmet coffee house called Tweek Bros. Tweek's father is visited by a representative from Harbucks Coffee who would like to buy his store. Tweek's father declines their offer and Harbucks plans to open their own store next to Tweek Bros. The boys try to figure out what current event they can write their report about. Tweek suggests that they write their report on the "Underpants Gnomes" that visit him every night and steal his underpants. To prove it, he brings them to his house to see for themselves. When Mr. Tweek hears about the report, he suggests they write their report on corporate takeovers; citing Harbucks plans to try buying out his own store. The boys decline, but Tweek's father get the idea that boys report might be just what he needs. Meanwhile, the boys have all been given coffee, probably for the first time in their lives, and they are bouncing off of the walls. Around 3:25 in the morning, the underpants gnomes haven't yet visited, but the boys get a report from Tweek's father. While the other boys are distracted by his father, Tweek sees the underpants gnomes. Of course, no one believes him. The boys present their report to the committee, but it is obvious to Mr. Garrison (but not the committee) that they didn't write their report. The committee is charged by the boys report and wants to join them in their fight to stop corporate takeovers. Harbucks begins setting up their new store, right next to Tweek Bros. The committee tells Mr. Tweek that they want the boys to present their report to the mayor. At the mayor's office, the mayor proposes that a proposition #10 be added to a ballot, on whether Harbucks can stay in South Park or not. At the same time Tweek witnesses the underpants gnomes collecting more underpants. Mr. Garrison tells the boys they better stick with their report, otherwise Mr. Hat is going to do unspeakable things to them. On Public Access, the boys try to defend their position on "Prop 10." They manage to pull it off when Cartman makes a comment about the corporate douche-bag that the crowd just loves. The committee shows Mr. Tweek a commercial they plan on running that uses the children to exploit their cause. Mrs. Tweek doesn't like the fact that these innocent children are being used to further their cause. Harbucks has their grand opening, but open to group of protesters. They start targeting kids themselves, by using "Camel Joe" to push their coffee. Mr. Tweek tells Harbucks about the pending "Prop 10" vote. Before the vote, the mayor expects Harbucks and the boys to both present their views. Mr. Garrison tells the boys that they better get to work. At Tweek's house, the boys are trying to figure what they are going to say, when they are visited by the underpants gnomes. One of them stops to confront the boys. After Cartman hits him with a stick, the gnome retorts "Is that all you got pussy!" They ask the underpants gnome why he is taking the underpants. He tells them it is their business and he offers to shown them more. Meanwhile, Harbucks decides to abandon their new store. At the underpants gnome's village the boys learn about the gnomes' three phase plan:
The gnomes still haven't figured out phase 2. The boys are anxious to learn all that the gnomes know about corporate takeovers, even after the gnomes accidentally kill Kenny. The only payment the gnomes want for their information is the boys' underpants. At the "Prop 10" rally, the boys present their revised view on big corporations. They are good, for without them we wouldn't have the things we have today. Even Harbucks at one time was a small business that made really great coffee everyone liked. They confess to not writing their paper, which results in Mr. Garrison being taken away. Mrs. Tweek defends the boy's position and asks the crowd if any of them has ever stopped to even try Harbucks coffee. When they do, they find it's delicious. Harbucks is in South Park to stay and Mr. Tweek is perfectly happy with the money he'll make selling his son into slavery; "just kidding". |
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b: 16-Dec-98 pc: 217 w: Pam Brady , Trey Parker, Matt Stone d: Trey Parker |
| 31. Prehistoric Ice Man |
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After watching "The Crocodile Hunter" the boys go searching for crocodiles and Kyle falls into a cave. When Stan goes to rescue him he discovers a prehistoric iceman, although he and Kyle fight each other for the sole credit. Dr. Mephisto discovers that the iceman has been frozen since 1996. The iceman is put on display and the fighting Kyle and Stan free him. The iceman tries to return to his family, but finds himself a man out of time. Kyle suggests that the iceman go to Des Moines, a city that is at least two years behind everyone else. Meanwhile, the government has their own plans to use the iceman in their plot against Sweden. Kenny dies when he pulled underneath the conveyor used for the tourists in the iceman display. |
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b: 20-Jan-99 pc: 218 w: Trey Parker , Nancy M. Pimental d: Eric Stough |
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NOTE: After Kyle falls down the hole, Stan says "Good job, Cartman. You killed Kyle!" Kenny follows with "You bastard!" A little irony, there... |
Feature Movie |
| South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut |
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The boys sneak into the Terrance & Philip movie "Asses of Fire" and the language used affects them, especially when they begin to use it themselves. When their mothers find out, Mrs. Broflovski launches a campaign against all of Canada, when she finds out that Terrance and Phillip come from Canada. The execution of Terrance and Phillip on Canadian soil is the final piece Satan needs to begin his 2 million year reign of tyranny, although his companion Saddam Hussein has other ideas. Kenny dies when the surgery to save his life, costs him his life. |
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b: 30-Jun-99 w: Trey Parker & Matt Stone and Pam Brady d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Check out the entry in the Internet Movie Database. |
Season 3 |
| 32. Rainforest Schmainforest |
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Miss Stevens is in Mr. Garrison's class recruiting students for a choir tour called "Getting Gay With Kids". They are going to Central America to help to save the Rainforest. Our boys cause trouble and are sent to the office. Kenny has fallen for one of the girls in the choir, so when Mr. Mackey punishes the boys by forcing them to join the choir, he is the only one who is happy about it. The children are on their way to San Jose, Costa Rica. Kenny meets with Kelly, who starts calling him Lenny, Benny and anything other than his name. Miss Stevens also tells Cartman that she plans on changing him; she's got a lot of work ahead of her. Miss Stevens brings the children to much the President of Costa Rica. The President offers them a tour of the Rainforest, but first they do a preview concert. Miss Stevens is dismayed by Kyle's lack of rhythm. On their tour of the Rainforest, the children see the wonders of the Rainforest, which Cartman keeps trying to beat. Their tour guide is killed and eaten by a snake. Miss Stevens and the children are on their own. Kelly tells Kenny that she likes him, which is bad for her, because she doesn't want her heart broken. Outside the Rainforest, Mr. Mackey wonders what has happened to the choir. In the Rainforest, Miss Stevens back is covered by a huge bug. They run into a group of revolutionaries. Miss Stevens tries to entertain the troops. They are going to be sent away, when government troops arrive starting a battle. Miss Stevens and the children are still wandering around the Rainforest. Back in San Jose, the concert is about an hour away from starting. Cartman decides to leave the hippie activist. Cartman finds a crew working on a deforestation project and asks for help. In San Jose, the President stalls for time by telling Polish jokes. Meanwhile Miss Stevens and the remaining children find a group of natives who are intent upon killing them. As they run away the fall victim to quick sand. The natives pull them out and tie them up. They plan on sacrificing Miss Stevens. Miss Stevens changes her mind and decides the rain forest really sucks, just as Cartman and the construction workers arrive to save the day. Miss Stevens and the children are so happy to be saved that they literally change their tune about the Rainforest. |
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b: 07-Apr-99 pc: 301 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone d: Trey Parker , Eric Stough |
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NOTE: The end of the episode featured these captions: Each year, the Rainforest is responsible for over three thousand deaths from accidents, attacks or illnesses. |
| 33. Spontaneous Combustion |
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The people of South Park, beginning with Kenny, start to spontaneously combust. The mayor assembles a crack team of scientist(s), Randy Marsh, to find a solution. Meanwhile the boys try to help Kyle's dad to get an erection. One way they think they can help is by performing the Stations of the Cross at church; crucifying Cartman and waiting three days for his res-erection. Randy Marsh figures out that the reason everyone is combusting is because they are withholding their farts. Kenny dies when he is the first to spontaneously combust. |
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b: 14-Apr-99 pc: 302 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, David Goodman d: Matt Stone |
| 34. The Succubus (a.k.a. Chef's Mama) |
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Cartman visits the optometrist, a man who makes fun of Cartman's weight problem, by calling him "Piggy". The optometrist dilates Cartman's pupils and Cartman shows up at school with his eyes wide open. The boys discover that Chef has been replaced by a new character called Mr. Derf, who does his best to entertain them in line. After school the boys go to Chef's home where they find out that Chef had quit his job. Chef has quit his job because he met a woman whose changed his life and helped him to see the error of his ways. The boys decide they need to do something to save Chef. The optometrist prescribes stupid looking glasses for Cartman and then staples to his head to make sure he doesn't take them off. The boys (with a bespectacled Cartman) visit Chef at his new job at an accounting firm. The boys appeal to Chef, but he tells them this is just something they are going to have to learn to deal with. He promises to meet the boys after work to play some ball. The following morning after he didn't show up to play ball, the boys return to his house. Chef tells the boys that he and Veronica are planning to get married. Mr. Garrison tells the children about "The Facts of Life", the TV show, not the real ones. The boys ask Mr. Garrison advice about their problem with Chef. He tells them about the "succubus syndrome", a woman sent from hell to suck the life out of a man. The boys plan to tell the Chef about the succubus, but Cartman is diverted for another trip to the optometrist. At Chef's home, the boys meet Chef's parents. Chef's parents tell them about all the times they saw the Loch Ness monster, who is always asking them for about "tree fiddy" ($3.50). Cartman gets his laser eye surgery, which goes bad, so he must wear bandages over his eyes. Veronica, the succubus, comes to Cartman's home to help the boys understand why she is going to marry Chef. Before she leaves she reveals her true self to the boys and tells them there isn't anything they can do about it. At the rehearsal dinner, Chef's father tells the story about the time the Loch Ness monster impersonated his son. The boys arrive to tell Chef the bad news, Veronica is a succubus. Chef tells the boys to accept the marriage, or get out his life. Stan isn't going to give up. The boys seek a way to destroy the succubus. They learn that if they sing the song of the succubus "There's Got to be a Morning After" backwards they can destroy her. They've got three hours to learn the song. At the church, the boys start to execute their plan, but the tape jams. In the process the succubus reveals itself and kills Kenny. They get the taped restarted and finish singing the song backwards, causing the succubus to disappear. In the aftermath, Chef wonders what he ever saw in her. Back at school, things are back to normal; Chef is back in job and singing. At the optometrist Cartman brings in Kenny's head, hoping to get an eye transplant. |
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b: 21-Apr-99 pc: 303 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: On the commercials promoting this episode, Ms. Crabtree was shown as the new school cafeteria chef. Of course when it aired, the new cafeteria chef was a new character caller Mr. Derf. |
| 35. Jakovasaurs |
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The boys are camping at Stark's Pond. Cartman performs his new song "I Hate You Guys". Cartman leaves to go to the bathroom and sees something moving in the trees. Uncle Jimbo and Ned are at home, where Ned is looking for his voice box. The boys stop by to ask for their help tracking the creature that Cartman discovered. They find the creature in Uncle Jimbo's ostrich trap. Jimbo is going to kill it, but Cartman likes it and asks that it be spared. The Department of Interior comes to South Park to take possession of what they identified as a Jakovasaur. They have the idea that they are going to breed it and bring back the species. Another Jakovasaur arrives at Cartman's door, asking for help to find his mate Ju-Ju. Named Jakov, he says that he and his mate are the last of their kind. Cartman agrees to help and while the other boys find Jakov annoying; Cartman finds his klutzy antics amusing. They reunite the pair, but the government finds out. Ned gets a replacement for his voice box, which makes him sound Irish. The Department of the Interior has plans to help the Jakovasaurs mate and repopulate the species. Left on their own, the Jakovasaurs fail to mate, Jakov doesn't know what to do. Since there is no one with experience in the matters, they all go to the South Park Genetic Engineering ranch, where Dr. Mephisto plans to use artificial insemination. Stan wonders if they really want anymore of these things around. Jakov tries to be one of the guys, but only succeeds in being really annoying. The pregnant Jakovasaur gives birth in four days, by shooting out a large litter of children. The new children join the children at South Park Elementary. The Mayor and townsfolk try to figure out what to do about the Jakovasaur problem. They convince them to move to Memphis, but Cartman pleads for them to stay. The Department of Interior bails on South Park, but they leave Cartman with the "authoritah" to control all the wildlife issues surrounding South Park. The Jakovasaurs are shown at home, sitcom style. Jakov is invited by the mayor to appear on a game show to win a trip. Cartman agrees to help prepare him for show. The mayor asks the boys to distract Cartman, while Jakov is appearing on the show. Jakov competes against Officer Barbrady and he immediately starts losing. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle have brought Cartman out to the woods to classify a new species, which Cartman readily identifies as Kenny with a pair of antlers attached to his head. The mayor forces Jakov into victory, which gives him and his family an all-expense paid one way trip to France. With the Jakovasaurs on their way to France, the town celebrates by getting ice cream. Later in France, the people there are delighted by the Jerry Lewis-like antics of Jakov and his family. |
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b: 16-Jun-99 pc: 305 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, David Goodman d: Matt Stone |
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NOTE: The voice the female Jakovasaur is made to sound like the "well-liked" character of Jar Jar Binks from the Star Wars movie that came out in the previous month It didn't take Matt & Trey long to realize that in Jar Jar they had something to make fun of. |
| 36. Tweek vs. Craig |
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The boys (sans Kenny) take shop class so they won't be sissies. They also let their instructor, Mr. Adler; know that both Tweek and Craig are troublemakers. Meanwhile, over in home economics, Wendy is mad because she wanted shop class and Kenny is delighted because he is in home economics. Is the reason for Kenny's delight that he might be a sissy, or is there just less danger of being killed? For a distraction in their shop class, Cartman bets with Stan and Kyle that Craig will be able to beat Tweek in a fight. They instigate a fight between the two that will take place after school. The shop teacher is having live action daydream about a woman. When Tweek and Craig both go home after school, the boys go their respective houses to instigate the boys. The fight is set again for the following day. Mr. Adler has an unsuccessful date, since he is still obsessing over his live action daydream. The next day the boys hold a press conference for the big fight. When the words begin to fly between our boys, they break out into a fight, while Tweek, Craig, and the other children just sit and watch. In home economics class the teacher instructs the girls and Kenny on tips for the 1st date. In shop class, Mr. Adler keeps having his daydream. After school its time for the big fight, but neither boy really knows what to do. The fight is postponed, while the combatants are trained in the art of fighting. Jimbo and Ned teach Tweek the art of boxing (dirty), while Cartman gets Craig instructed in the fine art of Sumo wrestling. Mr. Adler's dreams continue about the woman who he never got to say goodbye to. In home economics class the teacher instructs the girls and Kenny on nagging tips. The home economics teacher suggests to Kenny (to his horror) that she is going to transfer him to shop class, since his lack of home economic skills won't get him a husband. Its fight time and the boys begin their fight; meanwhile Mr. Adler makes plans to commit suicide using a table saw. Mr. Adler gets distracted from this task, when Kenny transfers into the class and the Tweek and Craig's fight breaks its way into the workshop. The boys' fighting results in Kenny being killed by a circular saw. When Mr. Adler retrieves Kenny's body, he sees in Kenny's face the images of the woman and some of his other dead relatives. At the hospital the children go to visit Tweek and Craig and the boys confess their guilt to them about how they manipulated them into fighting. They proceed to do it to them again, causing Tweek and Craig to get out of their hospital beds and start fighting all over again. |
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b: 23-Jun-99 pc: 304 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: No new episode airs next week, because everyone should be out seeing the movie. |
| 37. Sexual Harassment Panda |
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"Sexual Harassment Panda" visits Mr. Garrison's class to educate the children. Cartman sues Stan for sexual harassment using Kyle's dad as his attorney and wins half of Stan's stuff. After winning that case, they go after the school, for $1.3 million in damages. Now the school has to make a few cutbacks. Kyle's dad is getting rich by representing the children and anyone else who feels harassed. The boys go in search of "Sexual Harassment Panda", to try to stop the insanity. Especially when Kyle's Dad represents both sides in the case of "Everyone v. Everyone". They find him at "The Island of Misfit Mascots Commune" and convince him to change his cause. He does and becomes Petey, the "don't sue people" Panda. Kenny dies when he is sucked into a whirling fan blade, courtesy of Jimmy the "don't hold onto a large magnet while someone else uses a fan nearby" Falcon. |
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b: 07-Jul-99 pc: 306 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough |
| 38. Cat Orgy (1) |
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Cartman's mother is going to Mr. Mackey's meteor shower party, so she gets him a baby-sitter, Stan's 12-year-old sister, Shelly. Shelly invites her 22-year-old boyfriend over and he in turns invites his band. Cartman attempts to prove that Shelly has violated his mother's rules. The two square off, but then join forces and leave the house when Shelly's boyfriend leaves him and she seeks revenge. Meanwhile, the Cartman's cat is in heat, searches for a good time and invites all the cats in the neighborhood back to the empty Cartman house for an orgy. Kenny doesn't die in this episode, because he never appears. |
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b: 14-Jul-99 pc: 307 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Shelly's 22-year-old boyfriend Skyler will reappear with his band under the name of Lords of the Underworld in the 4th season episode "Timmy! 2000". |
| 39. Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub (2) (a.k.a. Melvins (2)) |
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Stan's parents bring him to Mr. Mackey's meteor shower party, but he gets sent down to the basement to be with the kids that he considers "Melvins" Butters, 1st grader Dougie and Pip. The "Melvins" start dressing up in ladies clothing and start playing "Charlie's Angels," Stan initially refuses to play. "Charlie's Angels" convince Stan to be their Bosley, and he gives them the mission of looking for a way out. Kyle and Stan's fathers experiment with their latent homosexual tendencies, by masturbating in front of each other in the hot tub. Outside Mr. Mackey's house, the ATF is setup convinced that the party-goers are going to commit mass suicide. One of the ATF agents goes to the door of the party and winds up joining the party. The "Angels" and Bosley make it upstairs, where Bosley asks them to get him a TV and some cookies. Randy and Gerald's experiment radically changes the dynamic of their relationship, when Randy wonders if what they've done makes them gay. A couple who leaves the party early is shot to death by the ATF. Bosley and the "Angels" see the TV coverage of the ATF siege around Mr. Mackey's house. The boys try to tell their parents about the ATF. They are listening to them and neither is the ATF. The ATF starts playing a Cher outside the house, just as Mr. Mackey starts his own copy of her new album. Bosley and the "Angels" check the TV coverage and find out what the ATF is up to. They decide they must act before the ATF makes a big mistake. Bosley and the "Angels" make a videotape that they plan to give to the real. Gerald keeps trying to get Randy to talk with him about their experiment. Some more party-goers leave and are shot for their trouble. Butters (Kelly Garrett) is sent out on a rope to deliver the videotape. Butters deliver the tape to the media. Gerald confronts Randy and Randy goes off reveal their secret, but it turns out that every man at the party has done it in front of another guy at one time or another. After the viewing the videotape the reporter almost stops the ATF from doing anything else they'd later regret. Their big gun goes off destroying some nearby houses. Realizing their mistake they quickly pack up and leave. Stan learns that he can get along with "Melvins", that is until Kyle arrives to tell him the unbelievable story of his night. |
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b: 21-Jul-99 pc: 308 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, David Goodman d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: The character Butters speaks for the first time in this episode. He has previously been seen in a lot of episodes, but up until now was silent. |
| 40. Jewbilee (3) |
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Kyle invites Kenny to join him (even though he isn't Jewish), Ike and the other Jew Scouts at Jewbilee, a Boy Scout like gathering for Jewish kids; meanwhile his parents are going to attend Mr. Mackey's meteor shower party. At camp, Ike is sent to join the little kids group called "Squirts", where their leader teaches them how to make macaroni pictures. Kyle and Kenny, join the scouts, where they concentrate on soap sculptures. This type of art is key to the Jewish elders celebration of Moses; however, one of the elders plans to turn it into a celebration of Hayman (sp?). Moses identifies Kenny as not being Jewish and Kenny is banished from the camp. Meanwhile, a bear enters the camp and begins to capture all the "Squirts." Kenny dies when (despite being banished) he sacrifices himself trying to rescue Moses. |
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b: 28-Jul-99 pc: 309 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Stan and Cartman do not appear in this episode |
| 41. Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery |
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It's Halloween and the boys look for a way to get back at the 5th graders, who've scared them with the legend of the pirate ghosts of the South Park docks. Stan suggests that they dig up Kyle's recently deceased grandmother as a way to scare the 5th graders. The band Korn is en route to South Park to play at Chef's 2nd annual Halloween bash, but are spooked off the road by pirate ghosts. They make it to town and in the tradition and style of Scooby-Doo and its Saturday morning clones, they help the boys solve the mystery of the pirate ghosts. Meanwhile, Cartman's only interest in Halloween is that it means that Christmas is only a couple months away. He opens a package that his mother receives, thinking it is a gift for him. It's actually a Antonio Banderas blow-up doll. And Wendy wins the costume contest again with her Chewbacca costume. Kenny dies when his Halloween costume (ED-209 from Robocop) is tripped up and destroyed by small rebel fighters a la Empire Strikes Back. |
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b: 27-Oct-99 pc: 312 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Korn used this episode for the world premiere of their new single "Falling Away from Me". |
| 42. Chinpokomon |
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Stan, Cartman and Kenny and the kids of South Park are into a new fad from Japan, Chinpokomon. The fad is revealed to be a plot by the Japanese toy maker and their government to subvert the youth of America into launching another attack on Pearl Harbor. Meanwhile, Kyle just tries to keep up with the speed of the changing Chinpokomon fads. Kenny dies when ... well it's not really clear when it happens, but it was sometime after Kenny started having seizures from the Chinpokomon video game and sometime before the end of the episode. |
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b: 03-Nov-99 pc: 310 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough , Trey Parker |
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NOTE: The actors used in the live action sequences featured in this episode were not credited. |
| 43. Hooked on Monkey Fonics |
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Cartman's mother buys him "Hooked on Monkey Fonics", where a small monkey on drums keeps a beat helping your child to learn to read and spell. She thinks this will help her son win the 15th Annual South Park Spelling Bee. At the finals, two home schooled children, a brother and sister (Mark and Rebecca) are allowed to participate. When it is Cartman's turn to spell "chair," his monkey doesn't come through for him. The last three contestants are Kyle and the two home schooled children. Kyle gets a really hard word and the home school children win. Kyle becomes intrigued with the home schooled girl. The other boys find out what it means to be home schooled. Back at home, Mark asks his parents if he can attend public school. Kyle tries to see Rebecca, but doesn't know what to say to her, or her to him for that matter. Mark joins Mr. Garrison's class in a giant plastic hamster ball. Cartman leaves class to go home to be home schooled. At recess, Mark is duct-taped to a bench. Outside Rebecca's bedroom window, Kyle serenades her with a song. Her response is to throw money at him. At the local bar, Mark's father goes to meet the fathers of the boys in Mark's grade school class. He appeals to the fathers, but for his efforts he is also duct-taped to a bench. Kyle hears about a dance, the Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance, which he plans to ask Rebecca to come with him. In his second day at school, Mark is duct-taped to another bench. Cartman's home schooling is requiring him to do nothing but sleep in. Kyle is about to ask Rebecca to the dance, when she invites him up to her room. Mark's father wants to pull him out of public school. Mark asks if he can at least go to the dance, he also mentions that his sister is playing doctor with Kyle. Before he leaves, Kyle asks Rebecca if she will go to the dance, although she isn't clear on the concept that he wants to take her to the dance. Back at Cartman's home school, he still hasn't gotten out of bed. Stan and Kenny stop by to get Cartman to come with them to deal with the home schooled kid. Kenny is killed by the monkey as Kyle meets with Rebecca to try to explain love to her. He gets her to agree to a kiss, which she really likes. At the dance, the boys and their fathers both lay out plans to duct-tape Mark and his father to the flagpole and the bleachers. Ronnie James Dio performs at the dance. The boys get ready to duct-tape Mark to the bleachers, when they all see Mark sister arrive. She is dressed like a slut. Mark starts beating the crap out of Kyle, for corrupting his sister. All of sudden Mark is considered cool. Mark's father arrives, stopping the dance. Mark tells his father about the lessons he's learned today and with that he father gives his children permission to attend public school full-time. As the dance resumes, Dio performs, accompanied by the "Hooked on Monkey Phonics" monkey on drums, as Mark's father is duct-taped to the flagpole. |
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b: 10-Nov-99 pc: 313 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 44. Starvin' Marvin in Space! |
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An alien from the planet Marklar comes to Earth and lands in Africa, only to be savaged to death by lions. Starvin' Marvin leaves his missionary class and comes across the alien spacecraft. He climbs inside and takes off. Meanwhile in South Park, the CIA enters Mr. Garrison's class looking for the boys. The boys are grilled about their knowledge about Starvin' Marvin, who was spotted above China. Marvin lands in Australia looking for a new home for his people. They offer him another missionary. Under torture Cartman tells the CIA where Starvin' Marvin came from. In Africa the CIA meets with Sally "the Hutt" Struthers. The boys search for information about Starvin' Marvin, only to have him come crashing into Cartman's house. Marvin takes the boys for a ride. Back in Africa, the missionary tries to spread the word, while the natives are dying of starvation. In the ship the boys realize that Marvin has looked just about everywhere for a new home. Cartman presses a button which takes the ship into a wormhole that leads to the planet Marklar. The planet is a paradise and the Marklar people friendly and thankful for the return of their ship. The boys ask the Marklars if Marvin can bring his people to their planet. The CIA is questioning Marvin's family, when the boys arrive back on Earth. The CIA wants his ship and the missionaries finding out about Marklar want to spread the word of Christ on Marklar. The government seizes the ship. Meanwhile on CBC (Christian Broadcasting Channel) efforts are underway to raise funds to build a starship. The boys try to outwit the CIA as Marvin loads the ship with his people. The boys join them, but only Kenny is left behind. As the Marklarian ship goes into space it is pursued by a ship built with CBC donations. When the CBC ship's lasers aren't powerful enough, more donations are sought to purchase an argon crystal laser. Meanwhile, the CIA appeals to "Sally the Hutt" for the use of her ship. She does, but only after the CIA gives her collateral in the form of Kenny. The boys figure out how to fire torpedoes at the CBC ship. CBC pleads for more funds to build improved shields. The boys are ready to escape when "Sally the Hutt"'s ship catches them in a tractor beam. Cartman makes a plea to Sally Struthers to let them go and complete the mission that she started, feeding the hungry. They are let go and the CBC ship is placed in a tractor beam. On CBC the plea goes out for more funds to help fight the tractor beam. Cartman finds the right button and the wormhole opens sucking all three ships into it. On the planet Marklar everyone has arrived and are all talking at once. When he is allowed to speak, Kyle sums up the whole Marklar situation and the Ethiopians are allowed to stay, but everyone else must go. |
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b: 17-Nov-99 pc: 311 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, Kyle McCulloch d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: When originally broadcast, this episode was dedicated as follows: In Memory |
| 45. The Red Badge of Gayness (a.k.a. War) |
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The boys prepare to participate in South Park's Civil War reenactment. This year's reenactment is sponsored by "Jagerminz S'More Flavored Schnapps". Cartman decides this year that he will fight for the glorious south, dressed as General Lee. Cartman is convinced that the south is going to win this battle, so much so that he bets Kyle and Stan that if the South wins the war, they will have to be his slaves for 1 month and if the north wins, Cartman will be their slave. Kyle and Stan think they have a sure win on their hands, only they underestimate General Cartman Lee, who incites the Confederate soldiers to victory. The "S'More Flavored Schnapps" helps as well. At the reenactment after party, more schnapps is consumed. Cartman finds out that he hasn't yet won his bet, so he incites the others into believing that they can take Topeka. In Topeka, the Confederate army wins. Kyle and Stan receive a message from Cartman, which was delivered by Confederate Messenger Butters. Cartman's message from the battlefield reiterates his hatred for Kyle and Stan. The army works their way across the southern states. In Chattanooga Kenny is killed by the National Guard. Cartman sends a letter home to Mrs. McKormick, which is presented on screen in a style similar to Ken Burn's "Civil War" documentary (as are some other segments). Stan has a plan to stop the war, he gets rid of the schnapps. Sober the next morning, the soldiers plan to return home; until Cartman lays in a fresh supply of schnapps. Drunk again, the soldiers march onto victory in Atlanta, Opelika, Dothan, Orlando, Waycross and then Fort Sumter. The National Guard surrounds the Confederate held fort, but the citizens of the state of South Carolina join the Confederate army. Next stop: Washington, DC. In Washington Cartman sends his demands to President Clinton and mentions some about a videotape with Marisa Tomei. Clinton plans to meet with General Cartman Lee and declare the South winners of the Civil War. Stan's grandfather gives Kyle and Stan a quick history lesson, which results in them reenacting Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis. Jefferson Davis surrenders to Lincoln and the North wins. Cartman must their slave for a month, until Cartman realizes that since the North won the war, slavery is illegal. |
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b: 24-Nov-99 pc: 314 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 46. Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics |
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A live action newsman announces a feature on "fighting the frizzies" coming up at eleven o'clock. A postman (a la Claus is Coming to Town introduces Mr. Hankey by singing with Mr. Hankey and the children the "Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo" song. Then Mr. Hankey takes over and introduces more musical segments highlighting songs on the album "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics". The artists and songs featured were: Mr. Hankey and Co. singing "Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo"; Kyle and Co. singing "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel"; Adolf Hitler sings "Oh, Tannenbaum"; Satan sings "Christmas in Hell". In the next segment, the live action newsman reminds us again about "fighting the frizzies" and then Mr. Mackey sings "Carol of the Bells"; Cartman sings "O Holy Night"; Mr. Garrison sings "Merry F*cking Christmas". In the next segment, the live action newsman reminds us again about "fighting the frizzies" and then Shelley Marsh sings "I Saw Three Ships"; Jesus and St. Nick sing a medley of Christmas favorites including Duran Duran's "Rio". In the next segment, the live action newsman reminds yet one more time about "fighting the frizzies" and finally Mr. Hankey and the South Park Children's Choir sing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" which includes a nice tribute to the late Mary Kay Bergman. |
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b: 01-Dec-99 pc: 315 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: More songs are available on the album "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics". |
| 47. Are You There God, It's Me Jesus |
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Cartman is convinced he is going through puberty, since he started bleeding out of his ass. In reality Cartman is suffering from a virus that affects children. People from around the world have gathered outside of Jesus's home in South Park waiting to see what whether or not Jesus will be scared when he sees his shadow. If he is not scared by his shadow, there will be peace and love for the next millennium. Jesus is puzzled by the gathering. When he asks them what they want, they demand to see God. Kenny gets his period too. Jesus talks with his father about making an appearance and is denied. Kyle debates about what to do about getting his period and he decides to fake it. Cartman and Kenny allow him to join their new club for teens who've got their periods, which is based on upon a book owned by Cartman's mother. Stan writes God asking for help with getting his period before the New Year and Jesus does the same with regards to his chance for a comeback with the New Year's spectacle he's planning. Stan still isn't bleeding and keeps praying. Jesus promises a New Year's spectacle, a Rod Stewart comeback concert at the Rio hotel and casino in Las Vegas. The teen club meets and they talk about their periods. Stan seeks advice from Chef, who sings him a song about the menstrual cycle. Jesus meets a very old and incontinent Rod Stewart. Stan gets some hormone pills from Dr. Mephisto. The hormone pills work for Stan and he starts sporting facial hair and his voice begins changing. Kenny dies at a teen club meeting (see below). In Las Vegas, Jesus is worried because everyone believes that God will be making an appearance. Stan wakes up to more facial hair and breasts and his voice is much deeper. The Rod Stewart concert begins and Rod seems barely up to the task. The crowd demands to see God and rushes the stage. A riot begins. Stan and Jesus confer about their discussions with God and Jesus realizes his mistake. As a reward for his realization God makes an appearance. He offers to answer one question and Stan asks his, "Why didn't I get my period". God gives him the answer and ascends back to heaven. Knowing his answer Stan is anxious to celebrate the New Year, while everyone else is annoyed since their question was wasted. God announces he will answer another question in another 2000 years. |
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b: 29-Dec-99 pc: 316 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough |
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NOTE: The New Year's Eve rebroadcast of this episode was followed by a fifteen second countdown to midnight. |
| 48. Worldwide Recorder Concert |
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An ad is featured at the beginning of the episode announcing that "POX presents The Musical Event for the New Millennium". Over four million thirds graders are going to gather in Oklahoma City for a recorder concert, featuring the song "My Country `tis of Thee", conducted by Yoko Ono and Kenny G. Mr. Garrison has the children of South Park elementary practicing hard so they can sound good. Mr. Mackey brings in news causing a look of horror on Mr. Garrison's face; the event is being moved from Oklahoma City to Arkansas. Mr. Garrison tells Mr. Mackey about his not wanting to go back there and see his father; and Mr. Mackey asks him if there was any history of sexual abuse in his family, which causes Mr. Garrison to break down. Mr. Mackey suggests that Mr. Garrison go to Arkansas and face his demons. On the bus trip, Cartman tries to find the "brown noise", that certain frequency that causes someone to lose bowel control and crap their pants. Mr. Hat verbally abuses Mr. Mackey causing a fight. The children arrive in Arkansas and are put next to a group of children from New York. The New York kids call them queefs and the boys try to look the word up, meanwhile Cartman finds out the "brown noise" is believed to be "92 cent below the lowest octave of E-flat". Mr. Garrison confronts his father about his demons. Mr. Garrison asks his father, why he never sexually abused him as a child. Yoko Ono tries to make herself understood at the recorder rehearsals. Since the boys still don't know what a queef is, they decide to make up their own word to use and will bust the New Yorkers when they claim to know what the word means. The word they decide upon is mung. They bust the New Yorkers, but the New Yorkers tell them that mung is a word, which they define as the stuff that comes out of a pregnant woman when you press on her stomach. Mr. Garrison talks with his mother about his lack of sexual abuse. Cartman plans to ask Kenny G if he can help them find the brown noise. Mr. Mackey talks with Mr. Garrison's father, who finds out what Mr. Garrison's problem really is. While Mr. Mackey doesn't agree with what needs to be done, he asks Mr. Garrison's father if he can just stand by and do nothing to save his son, after all "family is about compromises." Mr. Garrison is going to bed, hoping that his father will molest him. Cartman and Kenny have found the "brown noise". Stan wants to use the "brown noise" against the kids from New York. Mr. Garrison's father talks with his friends at the bar about his son's problem. They offer him no help. The boys plant revised copy of the sheet music on the door of the New York kid's room. A concert official finds the music and scrambles to make more copies. Back at his parent's home, Mr. Garrison is visited in the night by his father. With his demons behind him, Mr. Garrison leaves a happy man. When he's gone, Mr. Garrison's father reveals that Kenny G did the deed for him. The concert event is ready to begin and the boys see their revised music up on the screen. They race towards the front to try and stop the concert, but they don't make it and crap breaks out, all around the world. On their way to leave, the kids from New York tell that they know they were the ones who changed the music and that was "pretty cool". |
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b: 12-Jan-00 pc: 317 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough |
Season 4 |
| 49. The Tooth Fairy's TATS 2000 |
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When Cartman gets 2 dollars from the Tooth Fairy, the boys scheme to stick as many teeth as the can under Cartman's pillow, so they can purchase a new Sega videogame system. After he "loses" 112 teeth, Cartman's mother tells him the truth about the tooth fairy, which he tells the others about. Kyle begins to seek reality, when he discovers that everything his parent's have told him about is a lie. The boys hit upon a scheme where they go to a rich neighborhood and steal the rich kid's tooth fairy money. Unfortunately, they run into a mob, run by Loogie that has the tooth trade market cornered. Meanwhile, one dentist from the ADA, suspects this illegal activity is going on. Kenny dies when he walks in his cement shoes into a part of the Platte River that is actually deep enough to drown him. |
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b: 05-Apr-00 pc: 402 w: Trey Parker , Matt Stone, Nancy M. Pimental d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This is the first time Timmy is on here. |
| 50. Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000 |
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The boys are challenged by the girls to a sled race down Phil Collin's hill. When Cartman hits Token with a rock, he gets into a bit of trouble, two weeks detention. The punishment is compounded when the FBI begins an investigation in Cartman's hate crime. Cartman is put on trial, covered by Trial TV, and as an example he is sentenced to Alamosa Maximum Security Juvenile Hall until he is twenty-one years of age. Before he lets them take him away, he goes on the run with Kenny in Kenny's "Go-Go Action Bronco" in a "high speed" chase. The chase ends when the batteries run out just short of the Mexican border. Cartman is then taken to his new home. Prisoner 24601 arrives and learns his new routine and meets his cell mate, Romper Stomper. Back in South Park, the boys search for a replacement for Cartman, so they can win Saturday's sled race against the girls. Clyde is drafted but isn't fat enough. Cartman tries to find his place in the "big house" and if he can get some cigarettes, he will be told how he can break out. When Kenny is killed, during some sledding practice runs, the boys decide to try to break Cartman out. They go to visit him and try to pass him a file. When they find they can't do that, they at least are able to pass him some cigarettes, which Cartman has to hide up his ass. Unfortunately when he removes them from his system, he flushes them at the same time. Stan and Kyle go to see Token to see if he can forgive Cartman, so they can get him released. Token's dad tells them that would be impossible and gives them a lesson on hate crime laws. Back in stir, Cartman passes the "Tic Tac Throw" game he has been hiding in his ass, hoping to be told how he can get out. He finally learns how things work in the big house. Cartman begins crying and his cell mate promises to help him break out. Meanwhile, the "Free Eric Cartman Now" committee (Kyle, Stan and Token) see the governor, and give him their presentation on "Hate Crime Laws - A Savage Hypocracy". Cartman and "Romper Stomper" are on the run outside the big house, when "Romper Stomper" stumbles and falls. The guards catch up with them and give Cartman the news that the governor has pardoned him. Back at Phil Collin's Hill, the boys await the arrival of their anchor man, Cartman. Cartman arrives in the nick of time, his added mass, and help from "Romper Stomper"'s footwear helps lead the boys onto victory against the girls. Cartman returns to the juvenile hall to help "Romper Stomper" achieve his wish of seeing Disneyworld. Fortunately for him, Cartman just happens to have smuggled it in, via his ass. |
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b: 12-Apr-00 pc: 401 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker , Eric Stough |
| 51. Timmy! 2000 |
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There is a new student in Mr. Garrison's class named Timmy. About the only thing that Timmy can do is say his name, in a somewhat deep and wicked sounding voice, and flail his arms at the same time. Ignorant of the fact that Timmy might be "retarded," Mr. Mackey believes he knows what Timmy's problem is. He believes him to have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Timmy is tested and is diagnosed with ADD, after the doctor reads "The Great Gatsby" to him and he can't answer any questions. Timmy is given Ritalin for his ADD. As a result, Timmy is relieved of the responsibility to do any homework. When the other kids find out, the also claim to have ADD. The doctor tests them by reading them "A Farewell to Arms" and diagnoses the whole bunch of them with ADD. Meanwhile, the "Lords of the Underworld," led by Skyler, are practicing for the battle of the bands. They discover Timmy, who was passing by at the time, and make him their lead vocalist, when the uttering of his name fits in well with their music. The South Pharmacy is overrun with parents getting their children's Ritalin prescriptions filled. Timmy and the "Lords of the Underworld" perform at the battle of the bands. While some are disgusted by what they've seen, many are delighted. The band easily wins the contest and will be opening for Phil Collins at the LaLaPaLaLaPaZa festival. Timmy and the "Lords of the Underworld" have taken the country by storm. Phil Collins (with Oscar in hand) is outraged and plans to put a stop to people laughing at people with disabilities. Cartman and Kenny tell the other boys about how good Ritalin is making them feel. Soon all the boys are on Ritalin and Chef is outraged. MTV News reports that Phil Collins is now going to open for Timmy and the "Lords of the Underworld". Phil Collins (with Oscar in hand) is further outraged by the exportation. He meets with Timmy's parents, who are much like their son. Back at school, Mr. Garrison asks the children to settle down, which is difficult since they are all mellow on Ritalin. Timmy and the band are on tour; Phil Collins (with Oscar in hand) stops Skyler to plant a seed that will get the band to break up. It works, when after the show, Skyler leaves the band. Back in South Park on Ritalin, the boys don't even want to watch Terrance & Philip. Instead they tune over to VH-1, which reports on the break up of Timmy and the "Lords of the Underworld". The boys under the influence of Ritalin agree with the breakup and they decide they are going to go to the Phil Collins concert anyway. Chef tries to teach the parents about a drug free alternative to Ritalin, but he finds out that the parents are taking the Ritalin themselves. He is further outraged when he finds out that the children and all their parents are going to the Phil Collins concert. He goes to the pharmacy and vents his anger. The pharmacists are shocked when they hear about the Phil Collins side-effect. They gather up some of the Ritalin anti-dote, Ritalout which Chef plans on giving the children. Phil Collins (with Oscar in hand) is performing. Chef gives Stan and Kyle and the other children the anti-dote. It works and Stan tells everyone (including Phil Collins) what he learned today about Timmy and his disability. Throughout the crowd, the chant goes out for Timmy. Timmy and the "Lords of the Underworld" rock the house as Phil Collins is body-surfed (with Oscar in hand) over the crowd. |
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b: 19-Apr-00 pc: 404 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Comedy Central has released two pay-per-download MP3 singles from Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld entitled "Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld" and "Livin' a Lie." |
| 52. Quintuplets 2000 |
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The boys' parents' force them to see "Cirque du Cheville" and they are bored until they see the 8-year-old Vladchick Contorting Quintuplets from Romania. When they see how much money the circus makes, the boys start getting ideas. The quintuplets and their grandmother defect from Romania. The boys start staging their own performance, although they blame their inability to contort on Kenny's inability to sing. Stan's grandfather tries to keep his grandson from being gay. The quintuplets and their grandmother wind up staying at the Marsh's home. Kenny starts taking singing lessons from a record. The quintuplet's grandmother contorts on Grandpa Marsh in a night of passion. The next morning Randy discovers what Grandpa did. Meanwhile the boys start practicing contorting with the quintuplets. Randy tells the quintuplets about their grandmother. Stan asks his parent if the quintuplets can stay, mainly to help them with their own version of "Cirque du Cheville." The now guardian-less quintuplets start becoming a media sensation, but the Romanian government decides to take action. Kenny starts taking singing lessons from an instructor who suggests that if he wants to really good he will need to go to a conservatory in Europe. The Romanian government has the quintuplets' father issue a video demand for the return of his daughters. Kenny starts singing on the street to raise money for his trip to Europe. The Romanian government works with Janet Reno to get the quintuplets back. Outside the Marsh home, the protesters and the government have the place surrounded. The government (ours and theirs) want the quintuplets to return home. On Easter Sunday, Janet Reno goes undercover as the Easter Bunny to liberate the quintuplets. Meanwhile, in Romania Kenny auditions for a conservatory that accepts him. Janet Reno with big gun drawn throws a tear gas easter egg into the living causing confusion and mayhem. She then liberates the quintuplets, leaving the Marsh home in ruins. In Romania, Kenny is a hit. Janet Reno and company reunite the quintuplets with their father, although the girls are sad. In Romania, Romanian TV shows a tape of Kenny's father pleading for the return of his son. The boys demand to see the quintuplets and with the angry mob they storm the base. Left with no alternative, one of the quintuplets makes a phone call to the only person who can help them... The girls tell everyone what they think of them all and then they get into a limousine marked with the name Oprah on the side. The boys wonder what happened to Kenny. In Romania, the US government swarms in to take Kenny back. |
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b: 26-Apr-00 pc: 403 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: The episode satirizes the whole Elian Gonzalez controversy that was plaguing the media during the opening months of the year 2000. |
| 53. Cartman Joins NAMBLA |
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At Kenny's home, the boys are playing the Bill Kurtis Investigative Reports game, when Kenny's parents tell him that they are planning on trying to have another baby. It outrages Cartman who cites a bunch of reason why poor people shouldn't procreate, Stan tells him not to worry about it, since he is only 8 years old. Feeling that he can no longer relate with his friends, Cartman goes online to meet some older friends. He goes into a chat room for "Men Who Like Young Boys" and finds lots of others who are interested in him. He arranges to meet "Tony316." He meets him at a diner. Then the FBI swoops in and arrests "Tony316," which confuses Cartman. Meanwhile, Kenny has nightmares about his parent's plans to have a new baby. Kenny demands to play catch with his father, who concedes to play with him. Kenny manages to hit his father hard in the balls with a baseball. Cartman makes another rendezvous with an older male friend; this one "Hammerhead" turns out to be a shocked Mr. Garrison. The FBI swoops in and arrests him as well. Cartman suspects that the arrival of the FBI is the work of Kyle and Stan. He confronts them with his suspicions, but they don't know anything. At the South Park police department, the members of NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) show up and demand the release of Mr. Garrison and "Tony316". At the South Park Genetic Engineering ranch Cartman asks Dr. Mephisto if he can genetically engineering for him some older male friends. Dr. Mephisto says he can't but if Cartman would like to come to a meeting of his group NAMBLA, he can meet all the older male friends he wants. At the South Park Inn, NAMBLA is holding their meeting and they decide they need a poster child. Enter Eric Cartman, who fits their needs nicely. Kenny's mother tells him that she is pregnant. Cartman brags about his new friends at NAMBLA and his being their poster child. Kenny poses a girl to purchase some morning after abortion pills, which he plans to give to his mother. His father drinks his noxious concoction instead and starts getting violently ill. Cartman poses for photos and NAMBLA asks him to invite along some other male friends around his age to join them for a big party. He agrees, but plans to make sure that Kyle and Stan aren't included. Kenny sees an ad for a new ride called "The John Denver Experience." After this very violent ride, Kenny and his mom are okay, but his dad has another violent reaction. Cartman tells Kyle and Stan about his party and the fact they can't come. Kenny has more nightmares about the baby and starts taking violent action against his pregnant mother. Cartman is irritated when Kyle and Stan show up at the NAMBLA party in his honor. As the meeting progresses, Kyle and Stan begin to have some doubts as to what they are doing there. In a nearby conference room, Dr. Mephisto is addressing his NAMBLA organization (North American Marlon Brando Look Alike) when the FBI swoops in for a raid. The members of this NAMBLA organization are outraged that the other NAMBLA group is in the same hotel, and by the fact that they've taken their Internet domain. They plan to attack the other NAMBLA, with help from the FBI. Kyle and Stan comment on it being boring to be mature. The members of NAMBLA take their young boys up to their hotel rooms for some after dance activities. In an homage to those films and TV shows of years past, where there is a corridor and a bunch of doors. The boys enter the rooms with their male friends and quickly leave when they realize what is about to happen. The other NAMBLE comes into the hallway, as do the FBI, a waiter, Kenny's mother (followed by Kenny still on the attack) and Kenny's father. Everyone goes into and out of the rooms in a screwball comedic style until the boys realize that one of them needs to "take one for the team" for this to end. They elect Butters, but it is ultimately Kenny's dad who "takes one for the team". Kenny's dad is about to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance, when the leader of NAMBLA tries to tell everyone about the lesson he learned today. Kyle reminds him that he "has sex with children". Kenny is killed by his father's ambulance. Later Kenny's parents have their new baby, which they decide to name Kenny in honor of their late son. Kenny's father comments that this must have happened 50 times before; his mother says no, that it's happened 52 times before. |
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b: 21-Jun-00 pc: 406 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough |
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NOTE: During a spring 2002 rerun cycle, this was named by Comedy Central as the 3rd most "notorious" episode of the series. |
| 54. Cherokee Hair Tampons |
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Kyle is ill and missing from school, the boys think he's faking it. Mr. Garrison is also missing from school and the boys have fun with the substitute. Due to the previous week's activities regarding sex with small children and his somewhat substantial police record, Mr. Garrison is advised by the school board to take some time off. Kyle needs a kidney transplant, but his mother through the advice of Sharon Marsh seeks alternative holistic treatments from Miss Information, the woman who runs a new age store. Mr Mackey advises Mr. Garrison to use his free time to do something he's always wanted to do. Since Mr. Garrison has always wanted to write a novel and his is allegedly a big fan of poon-tang, Mr Mackey suggests that he write a great romance novel. Miss Information suggest that Kyle start taking a mixture of herbs (lemon juice and cayan pepper) to help his body flush out the toxins making him sick. Mr. Garrison starts to write his penis laden romance novel, but gets writer's block when he encounters a nipple. Miss Information stops by the Broflovski house, to spin some more of her holistic mumbo-jumbo. Stan finds out from the doctor that the only person in South Park who has a kidney that could be transplanted into Kyle is Eric Cartman. Stan brings Kyle over to meet with Cartman, who has a price for his kidney, $10 million. Two "native" Americans stop by Miss Information's shop to get rid of more of their junk, which the new age crazy citizens of South Park are eager to buy. One of the items is a "Cherokee Hair Tampon." Miss Information offers their service as holistic healers to Kyle's mother, who sets an appointment for the following day. Stan sees his friend dying and is beside himself while their parents have new age blinders on. Mr. Garrison starts writing a lesbian love scene in his novel, which quickly gives way to numerous mentions of penises. Stan, Kenny, Butters and Timmy go to Cartman's house, with the plan to take one of Cartman's kidneys. A live action commercial airs for "Cherokee Hair Tampons." Cartman thwarts their plan with a "Kidney Blocker 2000." Mr. Garrison meets with the publishers at Harequin Romances. They aren't interested in his romance novel as it contains the word penis in it 6,083 times and they consider it gay. Stan is depressed about the inevitable loss of his friend; however, Kenny isn't as sympathetic. At the new age shop, the two "native" Americans take one look at Kyle and they of course immediately recommend that Kyle see a real doctor. The citizens of South Park begin trashing the new age store. Stan tricks Cartman into thinking that he has lost his kidney, which gets him to sign a release for one of the two kidneys he still has. Post transplant surgery Kyle is doing much better. Cartman; however, is pissed off that he lost his kidney. Mr. Garrison finds everyone at the hospital and has an announcement to make. He is not going to be their teacher anymore, it seems Harequin Romances after hearing his argument about how women like reading only the penis part of romance novels, must have reconsidered, because they publish the novel "In the Valley of Penises" and it becomes a best seller. |
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b: 28-Jun-00 pc: 407 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: The episodes features a live action commercial for "Cherokee Hair Tampons". |
| 55. Chef Goes Nanners |
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Chef and Uncle Jimbo are on opposite sides of the issue of South Park's flag, which features 4 white stick figures hanging one black stick figure. The boy's substitute teacher, Mr. Wyland, suggests that the children research this issue so they can be prepared to debate the issue. The boys ask Uncle Jimbo and Ned for some background on the flag. Chef searches for supporters for his cause and everyone just seems to want to avoid the issue. Back at school, Mr. Wayland selects volunteers to lead the pro-change and stay the same positions for the flag debate. Kyle and Stan both volunteer to head up the team for not changing the flag, much to the annoyance of Chef, who has converted to Islam and changed his name to Abdul Mohammed Jabar-Rouf Kareem Ali. Wendy and Cartman head up the side for changing the flag, although Cartman's initial participation is useless. Outside city hall, the protestors have gathered, both for and against. Uncle Jimbo declines help from the KKK (who have Mr. Hand as a member), saying the issue isn't about race, it's about history. The mayor decides to use the children's school debate as a way to disconnect herself politically from the whole flag issue. Wendy tries to do research, but still gets no help from Cartman. Uncle Jimbo decides he has to do something to distract the KKK and keep them from participating in the flag debate. When Cartman finally starts participating in the research for their debate, Wendy finds that it is turning her onto the point of distraction. Uncle Jimbo and Ned infiltrate the KKK and convince them to change their position to the "change the flag" position, assuming that people will vote the opposite way. The KKK goes for it and then they plan their "who's got the silliest thing on under their robe game." When Abdul Mohammed Jabar-Rouf Kareem Ali sees Uncle Jimbo and Ned in their KKK robes, he decides that he's had with this whole "cracker-ass town." Wendy confesses to Bebe of her attraction to Cartman and Bebe tells her it will keep distracting her until she acts on her feelings. The debate starts, but before Wendy can make her first point, she kisses Cartman to regain her composure, which sends Stan into shock. Kyle then makes their point, which angers Abdul Mohammed Jabar-Rouf Kareem Ali; but then he realizes that Stan & Kyle's point of view on the flag issue was colorblind, the boys only thought it represented killing, which from their point of view happens all the time. The town eventually comes to colorful solution to the flag problem. Meanwhile Wendy may have regained her composure and her interest in Stan; she's stirred up other feelings in Cartman. |
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b: 05-Jul-00 pc: 408 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker , Eric Stough |
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NOTE: Chef's Islam name, "Abdul Mohammed Jabar-Rouf Kareem Ali" is a spoof of Kareem Abdul Jabar and Mohammed Ali. |
| 56. Something You Can Do With Your Finger (a.k.a. Fingerbang) |
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The boys are in a popular boy group called "Fingerbang"; well they are in Cartman's dream. Seeing it as a message from God, Cartman intends to fulfill his dream. However, since most popular boy bands have five members, the boys need to hold auditions for a fifth member. Randy Marsh is against Stan's participation in any boy band. Wendy wins the audition and joins the band. Despite the fact that they suck, "Fingerbang" tries to get a performance at the mall. They eventually get their gig at the mall and Randy tells Stan the traumatic tale of his brief stint in a boy band called "The Ghetto Ave. Boyz", which upon his return to South Park made him feel humiliated. The band is ready to go on, but Stan hasn't arrived yet. The gig is threatened, since there are only 4 members. Randy comes to terms with his past and allows Stan to participate and make his own mistakes. Stan arrives and the group is set to perform, when the mall elevator tragically crushes Kenny. The show is in jeopardy again, when a former boy band member steps into the spotlight and saves the gig. Kenny dies when the mall's elevator crushes him. |
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b: 12-Jul-00 pc: 409 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This episode is available on the video/DVD release "South Park Winter Wonderland" |
| 57. Do the Handicapped Go to Hell? (1) |
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The boys (less Kyle) attend church and the priest puts the fear of hell in them. So they start attending Sunday school and learn they must be prepared to confess all their sins. Except for Kyle, who because he is Jewish is already going to hell. Butters asks what is going to happen to Timmy, after all he can't confess his sins, he can only say "Timmy!" Scared out of their minds, the boys feel they need to confess all their sins. Seeing Kenny die, they feel an urgency to confess before they die. However, at the church they catch the priest in a compromising position. Feeling that the priest isn't powerful enough to save them, they decide to save themselves. So Cartman begins preaching and promises to lead the children of South Park to salvation. Meanwhile, Satan considers his devotion to Chris versus his desire to get back together with Saddam. Yes, Saddam is back, after all where was he gonna go, Detroit? Kenny dies when he is run over by a bus crossing the street, before he was able to confess his sins. Has he gone to hell? Again? Stay tuned. |
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b: 19-Jul-00 pc: 410 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 58. Probably (2) |
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Cartman preaches and the children begin plans to build a church. Satan spends the night with Saddam and tries to reconcile it with Chris. Saddam takes matters into his own hands and eliminates the problem with Chris, or so he thinks, after all, where was he gonna go, Detroit? Meanwhile, Kenny wasn't killed in the previous episode, but the bus that ran him over stops in Mexico, where he is discovered. So Kenny calls home from Mexico, but Cartman and the guys think he is calling from hell. Saddam and Chris continue to kill each other and come back, only causing more stress for Satan, who in his time of crisis turns to God for advice. Cartman starts faith healing and asking for money in his quest to make $10 million. Jesus intercedes and sends Cartman to somewhere worse than hell, Mexico. Kenny, who didn't really die in the previous episode, doesn't die in this part either; so Kenny with these two episodes, you appear to have survived three times! |
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b: 26-Jul-00 pc: 411 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This episode marks the second appearance of God in the series and the revelation that basic point of the entire fourth season is Cartman's quest for $10 million. |
| 59. 4th Grade |
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The children enter 4th grade and decide to immediately take a stand against their new teacher. Their new teacher is named Ms. Choksondik. She is a woman with large breasts and who doesn't wear a bra. Remembering fondly their 3rd grade year, the children seek a way to travel back in time. Two college students that live next door to Kyle offer them a solution using Timmy's wheelchair as the inertia device. The device doesn't appear to work but Timmy can't stop or get out of his wheelchair because of the risk of an explosion. However, when the device's timer runs out, Timmy disappears in time. The children are convinced Timmy is reliving the 3rd grade (in reality he is doing some serious time traveling). They want the college kids to build them another time machine so they can join him, only the college kids are arguing about the number of original "Star Trek" episodes there were. The children work on patching up that relationship. Meanwhile, in an attempt to reach out to her students, Ms. Choksondik demands to see the children's former 3rd grade teacher, Mr. Garrison. No one knows where he is (because they haven't gone to look), they speculate somewhere in the mountains. She finds him living in the mountains like a hermit and seeks his enlightenment, which she does. In addition Mr. Garrison finds his own enlightenment and finally comes to grip with his gayness. He is ready to become a teacher again; only South Park Elementary doesn't hire gay teachers. When Ms. Choksondik begins treating the children the way Mr. Garrison did, the children begin to respect her and are ready to learn. Kenny dies when the SWAT team uses him in an attempt to deactivate the explosives on Timmy's wheelchair. |
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b: 08-Nov-00 pc: 412 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This episode debuts a new redesigned main credit sequence, featuring the 4 boys and Timmy! |
| 60. Trapper Keeper |
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Kyle and Cartman compare their Dawson's Creek trapper keepers. A much older student named "Bill Cosby" is very interested in Cartman's trapper keeper. When Bill Cosby steals his trapper keeper, Cartman, Barbrady and the boys set out after him, but when they catch him they discover the truth about "Bill Cosby". "Bill" is from the future a la Terminator, and he has come back into time to destroy Cartman's trapper keeper. They destroy the trapper keeper, but Cartman gets his mother to buy him a new one. Then his new trapper keeper begins to assimilate everything, including him. It soon heads for Cheyenne Mountain. It's up to Kyle to remove the CPU from the trapper keeper, but he gets an assist from a surprising source. Meanwhile, Ike is starting kindergarten and Mr. Garrison is the new kindergarten teacher. Mr. Garrison shows a little favoritism towards Ike because he is Kyle's brother. The kindergarten class holds their election for class president and it is Filmore vs. Ike. The vote is six to six and it is up to Flora to cast the deciding vote. Even when she decides, the Filmore faction wants a recount. Filmore's Aunt Rosie O'Donnell comes to help decide the election. Instead she helps out in another way. Kenny dies when the assimilated Cartman breaks out of Cartman's room. |
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b: 15-Nov-00 pc: 413 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: As on top of things as ever, the boys from South Park (Trey and Matt) are topical as ever when they take a stab at the undecided presidential election that was currently not being decided at the time this episode aired. Of course their Flora seemed more on top of things then our own state of Florida at the time. |
| 61. Thanksgiving Special |
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The 4th graders are putting on their annual production of a play about Helen Keller. Butters tells them that the kindergartener's Thanksgiving play is real good, it's a "Thanksgiving extravaganza". So they decide to rework their play into a musical and instead of Helen having a dog, she will have a pet turkey. While the others rework the play, Kyle and Timmy obtain a turkey. The one Timmy picks is not exactly the pick of the litter. They call him Gobbles and bring him back to the theater where the others are disappointed with their choice. Cartman brings in South Park's theater expert who helps them to redo their show and he also worked with someone who has a professional trained turkey. Timmy tries to train Gobbles. The professional turkey arrives and his trainer sees a problem with two turkeys on the stage. He informs Cartman that an "unfortunate accident" is needed to take care of the turkey dilemma. The trainer takes matters into his own hands and convinces Timmy that he isn't allowed to keep Gobbles. So Timmy lets Gobbles go. The big show is about to begin when Timmy discovers how the trainer tricked him. So he leaves to search for Gobbles. Meanwhile, the show goes on with theater expert taking Timmy's part. Jimbo and Ned are out hunting wild turkeys. When Jimbo shoots at Gobbles but wounds Timmy instead, he asks how he can make it up to him. Timmy has just the turkey for a target, leaving Gobbles to perform the finale. Kenny dies when Cartman's attempt to solve the turkey dilemma with a falling stage light hits him instead. |
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b: 22-Nov-00 pc: 414 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This episode is available on the video/DVD release "South Park Presents Timmy!" under the title "Hellen Keller the Musical" |
| 62. Great Expectations |
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In this episode of South Park Classics a British Person narrates the story of Pip's origin in Charles Dicken's "Great Expectations". In the story, the ever-optimistic Pip gets a job at the Havesham Estate where he meets Estella, the girl of his dreams. She only spurns his optimism with her insulting tongue. When Pip is offered the opportunity to become a gentleman he goes to London. After several months he returns to the Havesham Estate, where eventually he discovers that Miss Havesham plans to break his heart. Her plan is to use Pip's tears and the tears of other men whose hearts have been broken by Estella to power her Genesis device. The Genesis device will allow her to take over Estella's soul and allow her and her robotic monkeys to take their revenge on the male race. Kenny doesn't die in this episode, as he and the other boys don't appear. |
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b: 29-Nov-00 pc: 405 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough |
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NOTE: This episode does not feature the regular opening credit sequence. |
| 63. Fat Camp |
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Ms. Choksondik has the children dissect endangered manatees, which were en route to the Denver Zoo, but accidentally delivered to South Park Elementary. Meanwhile, Cartman is at home, where his mother holds an intervention for his weight problem. She and the others are sending him to "fat camp." For a total of $41, Kenny is challenged by the other children to eat the spleen of one of the manatees. Later when he pukes it up, he is offered even more money to eat his own puke, which he does. Cartman tries to escape from fat camp, but is caught and faced with the prospect that he will not be able to escape. Cartman returns from "fat camp," 40 pounds lighter and he appears on "Jesus and Pals". Kenny also appears and eats dog crap. Jesus calls him a prostitute. The children wonder what that means, so they ask Chef, who with James Taylor, tells them in song and he gets in trouble. Meanwhile, the "slim" Cartman steals food and candy from the cafeteria and elsewhere and brings it to himself at fat camp; where the real Eric Cartman is still located and is as fat as ever. The real Cartman is selling it to the other children at camp. A videotape of some of Kenny's stunts starts getting distributed. From the popularity of the videotape, Kenny popularity is rising as he gets his own television show, "The Krazy Kenny Show". He gives a sensual full body massage to his own grandfather. At fat camp, the counselors are confused since the kids aren't losing any weight. Up next for Kenny's show is a pay-per-view event where he plans to get inside Ms. Crabtree's uterus for six hours. At fat camp, one of the kid's parents comes to take him away, since he isn't losing any weight. The kid almost gives the real Cartman up. Unfortunately the pay-per-view event may have to be postponed when Kenny is arrested in New York City for prostitution when he gives Howard Stern a "hummer" for $10 on the air. In response to that situation the fake Cartman says something out of character and Kyle and Stan discover the truth about Cartman's weight loss. Kyle and Stan use their knowledge about fake Cartman to have him pose as Kenny for their pay-per-view event. Back at fat camp, the other parents come to collect their children, but one of them exposes real Cartman's scheme. The children are welcomed back to fat camp, but not Eric Cartman, who finds solace in a donut. After 6 hours fake Kenny and another unidentified boy are expelled from Ms. Crabtree's uterus. Both are dead. |
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b: 06-Dec-00 pc: 415 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 64. The Wacky Molestation Adventure |
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Cartman has 4 tickets for the "Raging Pussies" concert and Kyle can't go. His parents say that to go, Kyle has to shovel the entire driveway and bring democracy to Cuba. So he writes a letter to Castro and Castro after reading the letter brings democracy to Cuba. Of course even though he completed this impossible task, Kyle's parents still won't let him go to the concert. So Kyle wishes that he didn't have any parents. Cartman suggests that he call the police and tell them that his parents have been "molestering" him, that will make them go away for a while. Kyle does this and the police take his parents away. Kyle and Ike are left on their own. The boys go to the concert and have a party at the Broflovski's. Soon all the children are calling in on their parents and all the adults in South Park are taken away. Before long there are only children populating the town. When a couple from out of town has a breakdown with their car they find the town of South Park divided into Smiley Town and Treasure Cove. The couple is attacked by kindergarteners when the enter Treasure Cove. Driven back to Smiley Town, they are taken to meet the mayor, Cartman. Knowing that "carousel" is going to be held tonight, Cartman asks the couple to go to Treasure Cove and retrieve a book for him. Getting the book will force a member of Treasure Cove to be sacrificed to the provider. The couple finds the book (and Kenny's dead body) at the base of a statue of John Elway (later identified as "The Provider"). They retrieve the book but are attacked. The couple is taken back over to the Treasure Cove side where we find that Stan and Kyle are in charge. They want to know why they are helping the "fat-ass". If the couple agrees to help them out, Stan agrees that he will tell them the story of the "before time," which includes the reasons for the existence of Smiley Town, Treasure Cove, "carousel" and "The Provider". The couple agrees help the Treasure Cove kids get the book from Smiley Town. Meanwhile the parents are at prison, working out their "sick sexual urges" with a counselor who helps them to identify what else there is to do besides molesting their children. Back in "South Park" the man gets Cartman's book for Stan and Kyle, but Mayor Cartman has his wife. Cartman isn't given his book back, so one of his own must be sacrificed and he chooses Butters. When the couple starts to interfere with the ceremony, Cartman threatens him with the "M" word. The man finds out that the children have accused all their parents of molesting them. He tells the kids that their parents, the birth-givers are their providers. The word "parents" triggers memories in the children, which cause them to change their minds. They allow the man to make his important phone call and a phone call to the police, clearing their parents of all wrong doing. The children await the return of their parents, and when they do arrive they are cured of the "sick sexual urges" that they never had. |
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b: 13-Dec-00 pc: 416 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 65. A Very Crappy Christmas |
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Kyle and Ike anxiously await the arrival of Mr. Hankey. When he doesn't show, Kyle calls the others for a late night emergency meeting. They seek out Mr. Hankey, who they find living with his alcoholic wife, named Autumn, and their three little nuggets, Cornwallis, Amber and Simon. He informs them that no one seems to be into Christmas. They all decide to try to spread some Christmas cheer. Their effort fails and the boys (getting inspiration from A Charlie Brown Christmas Special) decide to create an animated special of their own. Featuring Jesus, Santa Claus and animated versions of themselves, they will call their special "The Spirit of Christmas". The boys seek a $300 budget from the mayor and Kyle goes to tell the good news to Mr. Hankey. The Hankey family is drafted to get the old drive-in back into shape for the debut of the Christmas special. Butters' has made the cutouts for the animation, but the cutout of him is not going to be needed. Meanwhile, Mr. Hankey tries to inspire the Christmas spirit into his eldest nugget Cornwallis, via his own version of the "The Circle of Life". The boys start recording the dialog for their special and are told by the sound guy when they vary from the script and start cussing each other out that it is very funny. They start to animate their film and after spending several hours of working on one line and the setup of the next scene, the boys are ready to give up and in fact Cartman goes home. The boys need a miracle; in the meantime, the Hankeys have begun their clean-up of the drive-in. One "Need a Miracle" song later and the boys have a completed film, shipped from Korea. At the debut a technical breakdown causes more Christmas depression. Getting the Christmas spirit back from Cornwallis, Mr. Hankey manages to save to the day with the film reminding everyone that the true meaning of Christmas is commercialism and presents. |
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b: 20-Dec-00 pc: 417 w: Trey Parker d: Adrien Beard |
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NOTE: This episode pays homage to the film that started it all, "The Spirit of Christmas". This film was a Christmas card that a producer hired Matt & Trey to create for him. So successful was this Christmas card that it inspired the creation of this series. |
Season 5 |
| 66. It Hits the Fan |
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Kyle has four tickets to the "Lion King" on stage, but no one else seems interested in going. Especially after Cartman tells them the TV show "Cop Drama" plans on using the word "shit" for the first time ever on network television. Kyle thinks its stupid, thinking it's not mature to talk about it; meantime the adults are doing nothing but talking about. Kyle tries to find someone interested in seeing "Lion King" with him. With no one interested Kyle finds himself watching the show with everyone else (and everyone else is watching), but he is out of the room when the momentous event occurs. Kyle comments it's no big deal; it is not like it is going to change the world or anything. As he says that, they look outside and see that it is raining frogs. The news report on the groundbreaking broadcast mentions that while 24% thought the show went too far, the other 76% "don't really give a shit". The news also reports a medical alert that some people have caught a strange virus which causes the victims to throw up their intestines. Ms. Choksondik clarifies the school's policy on the use of the word "shit." The children are excited about the ability to now use the word; everyone that is except Kyle, who Cartman cites as "having a little sand in his vagina". Kyle decides he is going to look the word up and discover its origin. Even Mr. Garrison introduces his kindergarten class the proper use of "shit". Everyone is using the wording "shit," while others appearing to be getting deathly ill from that virus. Meanwhile, somewhere high on a mountain top, seven knights wake from a dormant sleep and raise their swords into the air as lightning strikes. Stan and Cartman are now bored with the use of the word "shit" and discuss some alternatives. Kyle arrives with Kenny and Kyle tells them this in his research he discovered the origin of the word "shit." He's traced it back to the time of the Black Death. He wonders if it has something to do with all the people who have been getting ill. They run off to find someone to tell their theory to, while one of the knights can be seen coming out of the "shit" souvenir store. In Hollywood the network is delighted at the ratings they received with "Cop Drama", so they decide they are going to use the word twice on one of their upcoming programs. The boys find Chef and they tell him Kyle's theory about the Black Death. They do more research and discover that reason "shit" is called a curse word, is because the word is cursed. The librarian dies from the Black Death and Kenny is beginning to show signs of it. Armed with this information, Chef and the children go to the network to get them to stop using the word. The network doesn't listen, since they don't have any proof of their guilt. Outside the network building, Chef and the boys are charged by knight that followed them to Hollywood from South Park. The knight tells them to stand aside as he goes into the network's building and confronts the executives. With his rune stone he hopes to expose one of them as Gelden, the bringer of the curse. He is shot by security and falls through a glass window outside to the pavement, where Chef and the boys are still standing. He gives them the rune stone but dies before he can tell them what to do with it. Chef decides they need to go the land of castles, knights and kings; the Excalibur casino in Las Vegas. They are taken to see the sorcerer. Meanwhile the network's "Must Shit TV" has begun. The sorcerer tells Chef and the boys about 14th century knights of standards and practices and that the rune stone will help defeat Gelden when he appears. The knights swoop into the network studio and start to clean things up. The network head says "shit" enough times that Gelden appears in the studio. The knights attempt to fight Gelden, when Kyle arrives with the rune stone and easily defeats him. Kyle, Stan and Cartman make a plea to everyone to begin watching what they say and only use "shit" in extreme circumstances. The network agrees to follow the guidance of the knights of standards and practices. |
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b: 20-Jun-01 pc: 502 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: It may not have been the first time that "shit" was ever said during a network television show, but it certainly was used here more than at any other time. At the end of the episode the on screen counter showed that the word was said 162 times. |
| 67. Cripple Fight |
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The boys, Stan, Cartman, Kenny and Timmy are excited about going to their first night of Scouts and they find that Big Gay Al is the Scout leader, making their father's nervous. Big Gay Al introduces the Scouts to a new Scout with disabilities. Timmy thinks he is being introduced when Little Jimmy arrives on the scene. At a bar near the Scout meeting, Kenny and Stan's dads worry about Big Gay Al's influence on their children, which stirs up anti-gay sentiment. The preacher offers to convert Big Gay Al. Timmy feels threatened when Little Jimmy has a motivational stand up comedy act that makes him popular with the other Scouts, more popular than him. When Stan calls Cartman a "big silly goose" Randy Marsh puts his foot down and demands that Stan call Cartman an "asshole" like a normal kid. Little Jimmy does his stand up act again, this time taking a few shots at people of South Park, including Timmy who's "living a lie". This only serves to irritate Timmy. Meanwhile, with numerous complaints filed against him, Big Gay Al is thrown out of the Scouts and a replacement leader is found. Out on the street, Timmy meets with Little Jimmy and he gives him the gift of an orange parka; but despite wearing a Kenny-like parka Little Jimmy survives a number of near misses. Little Jimmy does more stand up and tries to include Timmy into his act by making him wear a silly hat. Timmy resists and fights back, causing Cartman to shout "Cripple Fight." The new Scout leader comes in and takes over the troop, with his first activity taking naked pictures of the boys, later threatening them if they tell anyone. The boys realize that something is wrong and try to get Big Gay Al to come back, but he won't until the policy changes. The boys start a campaign to allow gays into the Scouts, which worries their parents. At a "Gays in Scouts" rally, Timmy and Little Jimmy get engaged in a vicious "cripple fight", which inadvertently helps drawn attention to their cause. Besides reporting on the rally, the news also mentions that the boy's Scout leader has been arrested as a child molester known as "Mr. Slippy Fist". After what seems like an eternity, the cripple fight finally comes to stop, with both boys passed out; leaving one of the many adult onlookers to finally say "alright boys break it up". The Colorado Supreme Court rules that Big Gay Al should be allowed to return to the Scouts; however, Big Gay Al declines essentially saying that the law shouldn't force the Scouts to accept gays, so he drops his case. Timmy doctors a photo of two naked men, placing Little Jimmy's head on the body of one of the men and gives it to the Scout leader, and since gays aren't allowed in the Scouts, Little Jimmy is thrown out. |
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b: 27-Jun-01 pc: 503 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Kyle doesn't appear in this episode. |
| 68. The Super Best Friends |
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Street magician David Blaine is in South Park performing magic tricks and promoting his workshop. The boys are anxious to sign up and learn magic tricks; instead they are pitched on Blaine-tology and are pitched an opportunity to attend a camp, where they can learn so much more. The workshop and camp are actually a front for a cult. The boys find themselves sucked in; only Stan begins to have second thoughts and tries to leave. He tries to get Kyle to leave with him, but Kyle's been sucked in. Stan leaves, but his friendship with Kyle has been ruined. As Blaine-tologists, Kyle and Cartman go door to door, trying to recruit more members. As an ex-member Stan is being hassled, he goes to seek the help of Jesus. Blaine eats his own head at a performance in Denver, and then Jesus challenges him on stage. Jesus' attempts to match Blaine's magic are primitive at best. He decides he needs to call on his friends, "The Super Best Friends". Meanwhile, back at the camp, Blaine's application for tax-exempt status has been rejected by the government. In retaliation the Blaine-tologists are going to march on Washington, DC and commit a mass suicide. Kyle and Jesus arrive at the Hall of Super Best Friends. Stan meets some of the "Super Best Friends": Buddha, Mohammad, Krishna, Joseph Smith, Lao Tzu and Sea Man. Meanwhile, back at camp, Kyle has second thoughts and considers escaping, but Cartman sells him out. Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Super Best Friends, the "Super Best Friends" and Stan detect the movement of the cult towards Washington and the implication if they actually got tax-exempt status; they would actually become a real religion. In Washington, DC, the cult members plan to drown themselves in the reflecting pool, which is only about 6 inches deep. The "Super Best Friends" and Stan arrive on the scene. Stan looks for Kyle while the "Super Best Friends" take on the cult. Then they must face Blaine himself. Blaine brings the Lincoln Memorial statue to life, forcing the "Super Best Friends" to consult their computer back at base named Moses. Moses recommends that they create a giant stone John Wilkes-Booth to combat Lincoln. Wilkes-Booth shoots Lincoln in the back of the head and Kyle and the other cult members are saved, but when all is said and done, Blaine escapes, promising the "Super Best Friends" that he will be back. |
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b: 04-Jul-01 pc: 504 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Kenny is shown without his hooded parka in this episode, for the first time on TV. |
| 69. Scott Tenorman Must Die |
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Cartman is excited, since he got his pubes before the other boys. Of course Kyle, Kenny and Stan think he's a dumb ass, since he bought them from 8th grader Scott Tenorman and paid $10. Cartman tries to get his money back, only Scott Tenorman keeps getting the better of him, including sending him to Fort Collins for "Pubefest". Cartman vows to get his revenge. Cartman tries to rally the other kids to help him in his revenge. Cartman has a plan where he trains a pony to bite Scott's wiener off. Stan's Uncle Jimbo gives Cartman advice on how to get back at Scott Tenorman. Find his weakness and exploit that weakness. Under surveillance, Cartman discovers that Scott likes the band Radiohead. Cartman gets Scott downtown, where he plans to show a video of Radiohead saying that "Scott Tenorman isn't cool"; while the crowd sees that, it doesn't go over as big as the video Scott shows of Cartman acting like a little piggy. Cartman works out a master plan for revenge. Cartman's master plan is to combine both of his plans, the wiener biting pony and humiliating Scott in front of Radiohead. Radiohead receives a letter from Cartman, telling them about his friend Scott who has "cancer in his ass" and they decide to come to South Park. Meanwhile, Cartman invites Scott to participate in the "Chili Con Carnival" and Stan warns Scott about the pony. Scott creates a chili filled with pubes. At the carnival Scott reveals his secret ingredient, which Cartman anticipated. He also anticipated Stan & Kyle's betrayal about the pony, which leaves him to reveal the secret ingredient in the chili that Scott is currently eating, a chili called "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili". Scott breaks down and cries, just as Radiohead arrives calling him "totally not cool" and Cartman has his revenge. |
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b: 11-Jul-01 pc: 501 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough |
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NOTE: The ending with Cartman in the middle of orange concertric circles is an homage to Looney Tunes and Porky Pig concluding each of the (pre-1948) cartoons with "Th-Th-Th-That's All, Folks!" |
| 70. Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow |
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The boys are discouraged when they see yet another Terrance & Phillip rerun. Then a commercial is run for a live appearance that Terrance and Phillip are making and they are all excited. Kyle gets them their tickets and they are all excited about going when they find out that they will all be participating in the "Earth Day Brain Washing Festival" and getting ready for it the night before, during the time that they were going to be at the Terrance and Phillip appearance. So that they won't miss the performance, Kyle promises the organizers of the "Earth Day Brain Washing Festival" that they will get Terrance and Phillip to perform at the festival. When Terrance and Phillip take the stage, Terrance is fat and Phillip is missing. When a fake Phillip takes the stage Stan decides they have to get to the bottom of this. Backstage they sneak into Terrance's room, courtesy of a "female group or random slut." Backstage they find out from Terrance that Phillip left the act to do more serious stuff. The boys ask Terrance that if they can get Phillip back, would he agree to do the show. The "Earth Day Brain Washing Festival" organizers arranging the details for the festival when the boys come back to report that Terrance and Phillip have broken up. The organizers demand that the boys come through on their promise. So the boys travel to Toronto where Phillip is performing "Hamlet". The boys endure the show and then meet with Phillip after the show. Kyle tricks Phillip into coming. At rehearsal the two of them still aren't getting along. Since Terrance and Phillip still are at odds with each other, when their appearance at the festival is scheduled to begin, the audience is treated to the documentary Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow. The documentary covers Terrance and Phillip's career from their first fart, to their eventually break-up. As the documentary is running, the boys are on the run from the festival organizers, who are hacking at their limbs, well Kenny's anyway. Out in the festival audience, Terrance and Phillip are both watching the documentary and realizing what they once had. They decide to get back together and the "Earth Day Brain Washing Festival" and our boys are saved. |
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b: 18-Jul-01 pc: 505 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This is the the first episode that ever featured clips from the South Park feature film. |
| 71. Cartmanland |
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Cartman's grandmother dies; leaving him a $1 million inheritance and the rest of the family gets $14.12 in stocks and bonds to divide amongst themselves. Kyle begins to lose his faith in God, when he sees that Cartman does indeed have $1 million. Cartman now starts to live out the dream he has had since his was 2 years old; he purchases a theme park. The theme park is renamed "Cartmanland" and it is only open for Cartman, so there will be no lines. Kyle wakes up with a hemorrhoid and it really causes him to seriously question his faith, as he who tries to be good is suffering and Cartman who isn't good isn't suffering. In fact Cartman is very happy in his own theme park. After seeing a commercial for "Cartmanland", in which Cartman specifically mentions they are not allowed, Stan and Kyle try to sneak into the park, but Kyle's hemorrhoid causes them to be caught. Cartman hires a security guard, but discovers that he can't pay the guard with free rides. He is going to have to allow two people in the park to pay the guard's salary. Kyle renounces his faith. When a ride breaks down, Cartman has to let two more people into the park so that he can hire a maintenance person. When the maintenance person demands that there be food in the park, Cartman is forced to let even more people in to cover the additional expenses. In disguise, Stan tries to sneak in and is caught. Kyle's parents try to restore Kyle's faith. More people are let into "Cartmanland" and Kyle is fighting his hemorrhoid. Meanwhile on the TV show Money Quest, they are talking about the turnaround of a theme park. Cartman's "you can't come" technique has spawned a new marketing trend being adopted by many other businesses citing Cartman as a marketing genius. Kyle flatlines upon hearing this news; meanwhile Cartman is miserable, since he is no longer alone in his theme park. Cartman wants his $1 million back. Kyle is at death's door and Cartman sells the amusement park back to the original owner and gets his money back, until the IRS and Kenny's family lay claim to his money. Stan brings Kyle to see Cartman's misery, which ensures Kyle's speedy recovery of his health and his faith. |
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b: 25-Jul-01 pc: 506 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 72. Proper Condom Use |
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Cartman (who learned it from the 5th graders) shows Stan and Kyle how to beat-off a dog, while uttering the phrase "Red Rocket." Stan thinks it is so cool he wants to show his parents. His parents as well as their guests get to see the show. Stan gets grounded and his parents try to explain to him why what he did was wrong. Frustrated that they don't know how to speak to their children about sex, the parents of South Park demand that their children get taught sexual education at school. Mr. Mackey, who can't remember how to have sex, tries to teach the boys. Ms. Choksondik teaches the girls about STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) and she scares the girls. The girls are so scared that they demand that the boys wear condoms, before they will even talk to them. So the boys go to the pharmacy to purchase condoms. Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik discuss their lesson plan and their own sexual inadequacies. Now that the boys have condoms, they try to figure out how to wear them. When the faculty believes that the fourth graders have become sexually active, due to the condom purchase, they decide they must educate the lower grades. Chef thinks it's ridiculous. So Mr. Garrison begins teaching his kindergarten students how to put on a condom. Ms. Choksondik teaches the girls about the worst STD of all, pregnancy. While seeing a film showing childbirth, the girls now absolutely scared out of their minds run out of the classroom. Ms. Choksondik spots Mr. Mackey in the hallway and looks at his ass, wondering. The boys finally learn from Mr. Mackey that they can only get an STD from having intercourse with the girls; they don't need to be wearing condoms all the time. Angry at the girls, they go to get rid of them. Mr. Mackey begins thinking about Ms. Choksondik as Mr. Garrison moves his kindergarten students on to their next lesson, which is listing the names of the various sexual positions. The boys find the girls locked up in a stronghold, that looks very much like the stronghold in the "The Road Warrior". From that same movie, Butters tells the girls "to just walk away". Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik discuss their next lesson plan, but they are distracted by each other and they get it on. Meanwhile the boys and girls are fighting and there are numerous explosions which gets everyone's attention. In the aftermath, the children and their parents learn the obligatory lesson from Chef, who sums it all up quite nicely. Sex is something you be learning about from your parents and that you are ready to have sex when you are 17. |
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b: 01-Aug-01 pc: 507 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Butters uttered actual dialog from "The Road Warrior" in the sequence where Kenny died. |
| 73. Towelie |
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After Cartman discovers one of Mrs. Marsh's used tampons in the bathroom, she gets the boys to drop the subject by promising to buy them the new Game Sphere video game console they wanted. While waiting outside for their new game console Kyle mentions that he has to go swimming with his family and may not be able to all weekend. At the mere mention of water, a talking towel appears. The towel, named Towelie, whenever he appears offers the boys some good towel advice and the chance to get high. A talking towel doesn't seem to faze the boys, because once they get the game console in their hands, they go home and play video games from Saturday afternoon until school starts on Monday morning. Kyle even gets out of his trip to the lake. While waiting for the school bus some men stop their car and ask the boys if they have seen talking towel. When the boys ask, "Do you mean Towelie?" the men respond by getting on their radios and calling a code 5 emergency in Park County Colorado. On Monday afternoon when the boys return, they find their game console is gone. Stan receives a call from a mysterious stranger, telling them to bring the towel to the gas station outside of town; otherwise they'll never see their game console again. The boys go in search of Towelie. They find him and drag him to the gas station. There they meet men from TYNACORP who want the towel, but know nothing of the boy's deal for the game console. Then they are all assaulted by the military who are also interested in the towel. A dying man from TYNACORP tells the boys to bring the towel back to their base. The military plans to implement plan B, destroying all towels within a 1000 mile radius. Despite their age and size, the boys are driving a pickup truck to the base where Towelie came from. Towelie tries to get high to tell them how to get there. Stoned, Towelie feels hassled when the boys press him for the base's location. Meanwhile, the military executes plan B. Towelie eventually gets them to TYNACORP. There we learn that Towelie is a RG-400 Smart Towel and that the military wanted to turn him into a weapon of mass destruction. Of course the boys don't care; they only want their game console back. TYNACORP tells them the military has their game sphere and the boys want to know where the military base is so that they get their game console back. TYNACORP wants the boys to get Towelie's TNA back. When Towelie is seen going into TYNACORP, the military plans to execute their next plan, blow up all of Colorado. The boys and Towelie are air-dropped outside the government base. Even after Towelie gets high the boys manage to penetrate the base. They find mutant genetic copies of towels made from Towelie's TNA. The military tells the boys (who still don't care) about their plans for using Towelie's TNA and TYNACORP's plan for world domination. Back at TYNACORP they learn the military's plan to use the boys in a scheme to bring down TYNACORP. So they prepare to unleash the GS-401 super towel. At TYNACORP the boys are given a photon file and a computer disk to bring down TYNACORP's systems. They meet and defeat the super towel (via the photon rifle) and find themselves caught in the middle of the standoff between TYNACORP and the military. They spot their game console and begin playing their game from where they left off, oblivious to all that is going on behind them; the military revealing their plans and the head of TYNACORP being an alien. A battle begins and the building begins to explode. Towelie has to decide between saving the boy's lives or get high. He manages to do both and the boys return to South Park and their game console. Towelie is dubbed by Cartman as the "worst character ever". |
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b: 08-Aug-01 pc: 508 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This episode featured a live action commercial advertising "I Love Towelie" and "I Hate Towelie" T-Shirts for only $18.99 (plus shipping and handling). Go to www.comedycentral.com for more information. Per the commercial: "While Supplies Last" and "(Towels not available)". |
| 74. Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants |
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Its two months after the terrorist attacks on the United States and Kyle remarks to the others about when life used to be "simple and cool" and Butters is worried about getting the "thrax". At school Mrs. Choksondik gets the children to follow the president's directive and send a dollar to children in Afghanistan, only Cartman lodges a protest. In Afghanistan, amidst the bombing, 4 children (who bear a striking resemble to our boys in South Park) each receive a dollar. Stan's mother has been watching CNN for 8 weeks straight and only gets off the couch after she and Randy realize that Stan has received a large brown package from Afghanistan. The federal authorities come to the Marsh home to open the package. The content of the package is revealed to be a goat, which is determined to be disease free. With nowhere to keep it, the boys decide to send the goat back to Afghanistan. The post office recommends the boys take the goat over to the base. After the boys suffer through a visit from Towelie that ends with a bad pun, they try to get the goat on board a military aircraft. They are caught by a guard who mistakes the sound the goat makes for the sound of Stevie Nicks, who is going to be performing at a USO show in Afghanistan. Once past the guard the boys put the goat on the plane but soon find themselves trapped on board, bound for Afghanistan with a goat and a farting Cartman. In Afghanistan the boys bring the goat back to what's left of the house where the goat was sent from. They meet their Afghan counterparts and try to understand why their counterparts hate Americans. While returning to the base, the boys are captured by terrorists (an attempt to be Canadian doesn't work, Cartman won't have it). They are taken to the cave of Osama Bin Laden, who broadcasts the fact that he has captured American hostages: Stevie Nicks and four children. With Stevie Nicks captured, the military gets mobilized. The boys' Afghan counterparts, realizing our boys are innocent, decide to rescue them. At Bin Laden's camp, the battle rages on and the boys are rescued by their counterparts. Only Cartman stays behind to take care of the Bin Laden. Cartman deals with Bin Laden in sequences that pay tribute to the Warner Bros. cartoons featuring Bugs Bunny (Cartman) vs. Elmer Fudd (Bin Laden). Meanwhile Stan and Kyle still struggle to understand the differences between themselves and their Afghan counterparts. With Bin Laden defeated, thanks in large part to Cartman, Fleetwood Mac (with goat Stevie Nicks) takes the stage to entertain the troops. |
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b: 07-Nov-01 pc: 509 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This episode at one time had the working title of "Osama Bin Laden Has a Tiny Penis", something made evident during the course of the episode. |
| 75. How to Eat With Your Butt |
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Its school picture time and Cartman takes great delight when Kenny poses for his school photo by wearing his parka backwards and having his ass stick out where his face should be. Butters is in trouble with his parents for looking stupid in his photo. When the photo comes out, Cartman pulls off what he thinks might be the funniest thing he has ever done, he gets the photo put on a milk carton as that of a missing child, with "blonde hair and a brown eye," and full rosy cheeks. The milk carton comes out right away and Cartman is beside himself with laughter. The photo hits home in Wisconsin, when a couple believes that the photo might be of their long lost son. The couple from Wisconsin comes to South Park to see if they can find their son. The couple suffers from TPS (Tarsonic Polarity Syndrome; "buttocks where their heads should be"). Cartman has been laughing non-stop since the milk carton was published and brings Stan and Kyle over when he is told the couple from Wisconsin wants to meet him to discover information what information he may know about the whereabouts of their missing son. When Cartman meets the TPS afflicted Thompsons he suddenly loses his sense of humor; he finds that he is no longer able to laugh and he later claims to have blown his funny fuse. Meanwhile the Thompsons have been sent to Kenny's house. Kyle and Stan bring the other boys (sans Butters who is grounded for his stupid face) to see the Thompsons. Meanwhile, Cartman seeks counseling from Mr. Mackey to try to restore his sense of humor. The Thompsons find out about the prank. The South Park Milk Company, the largest milk company in the country, offers the power of their computer's database to help them find their missing child. Outside the McKormick house, the living room window fills with people trying to get a look at the Thompsons. Cartman tries to see a funny movie to restore his sense of humor, with no avail. The milk company computer starts running his search. Cartman listens to some of Jimmy the crippled comic's routine, still to no avail. The computer finds someone in its database that is the Thompson's missing child. Butters' is still grounded. Cartman writes his mother what might be construed as a suicide note, when in fact it is just a note telling her why he won't be going to school. Without his sense of humor he just doesn't feel he can make it. The milk company reunites the Thompsons with their long lost son whose also afflicted with TPS, Ben Affleck and with that news Cartman's sense of humor finally returns. |
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b: 14-Nov-01 pc: 510 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This is the first time we see Kyle's hair. |
| 76. The Entity (a.k.a. The Ginger Device) |
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The Broflovski's await the arrival of Kyle's cousin from Connecticut who is also named Kyle. As a result, Kyle's mother starts calling him Kyle 2 and the cousin is just known as Kyle. Mr. Garrison gets fed up with airlines and decides to do something about it. Kyle 2 realizes that when his stereotypically Jewish cousin Kyle meets his friends and Cartman he is going have trouble. He tries bribing Cartman with $40 to be nice, but it doesn't last for long. Mr. Hand's offhand comment about Enrique Iglesias' gyrating ass, gives Mr. Garrison an idea for his new form of transportation, IT. High power investor's arrive to see what Garrison's invention is all about. Kyle 2 tries to teach Kyle about sports and Cartman tries to talk his way out of the concentration camp comment he made in class about Kyle. Mr. Garrison unveils IT to the investors, including Kyle. IT is a gyroscopic cycle that requires the rider to use four flexi-grip handles. Two of the handles the rider holds onto with their hand, another requires the user to place their mouth over to operate the turn signals and the last one require the rider to insert into their anus, so that they can be held in place. Kyle 2 is worried that his stereotypical cousin is going to give Jews a bad name in South Park, so he and the others try various schemes to send him back to Connecticut. IT becomes a hit with public, so much so that the airline industry starts hurting and the government steps in, making IT illegal. Kyle returns from the latest attempt by Kyle 2 and the others to get rid of him, to receive $5 million as a bail out for his IT investment. Suddenly the boys try to think of the lesson that they learned that can then use to keep him around. |
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b: 21-Nov-01 pc: 511 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Herbert is given as Mr. Garrison's name for the first time in this episode. |
| 77. Here Comes the Neighborhood |
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The children present their school projects. When Token makes his presentation, the other children hassle him for being rich. When Token goes home he indicates that he wants to be just like the other children and his parents humor him by taking him to J Mart. He tries hard to fit in, but gives up and tries a different approach; he sells other rich people on the idea of living in South Park. The first family to move there is Will Smith, Jada Pinkett and their family. Will calls a few friends (Snoop Dog, Bill Cosby, Oprah and others) and soon they all move into South Park. The poorer citizens of South Park begin to fight back; one attempt has them burning a lower case "T" in the front yard of Kobe Bryant. Token becomes disenchanted with his new rich friends when he realizes he doesn't fit in with them either. The rich are forced to sit in the front of the bus. Trying to fit in somewhere, Token moves in with the lions at the zoo. Meanwhile the South Park millionaires start a "million millionaire march" on city hall. To spook the rich out of South Park, Mr. Garrison suggests that they dress in white sheets. Token leaves the lions and goes home realizing that he likes his old friends the best. At city hall the "spooks" scare the rich, who very quickly leave South Park. Token runs into the boys who will no longer rip on him for being rich, now they'll call him a "pussy". |
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b: 28-Nov-01 pc: 512 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough |
| 78. Kenny Dies |
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A truck carrying aborted fetuses for research goes over the side of a mountain. A passing Eric Cartman takes possession of the cargo. With all the recent talk about stem cell research he plans to sell them for a lot of money. Meanwhile the other boys are lighting cow crap on fire and Kenny shows signs of an illness. Cartman tells the others of his plans. Cartman tries selling his fetuses, but when the government changes the rules, Cartman is out of the money. Back at school, Stan and Kyle are called out of class to see the principal. In the office Mr. Mackey, Chef, Principal Victoria and their parents tell them about Kenny's terminal illness. Stan and Kyle tell Cartman about Kenny and they all go to visit him. Stan has a problem seeing Kenny in the hospital. Cartman promises to find a cure for Kenny. Kyle sees him crying. Cartman goes to one of his possible clients to learn everything he can about stem cell research and he learns that stem cells can replicate an item just by being placed beside it. The Make-A-Wish foundation stops by the hospital to offer Kenny a wish. His first choice is not to die. They counter with Madonna and he declines. Chef talks with Stan to help him understand. In Washington, DC, Cartman appears before Congress to appeal them to restore stem cell research. His sings Asia's "Heat of Moment" and the whole assembly joins in. Congress lifts the ban on stem cell research and Cartman is getting women to sell their fetuses for research. Stan goes to the hospital only to find that Kenny's room is vacant. At the funeral Cartman comes in to tell Kyle and Stan to come out and witness his miracle. Using the stem cells of unborn fetuses, Cartman was able to create his own Shakey's along side of an existing one! |
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b: 05-Dec-01 pc: 513 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 79. Butters' Very Own Episode |
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It's "The Butters Show", which features Butters Stotch and his parents (Chris & Linda) at home. It's his parent's anniversary and Butters' mom asks him to spy on his father who is out buying an anniversary present. Butters follows him to a porn theatre to see "Fisting Firemen 9" and to a men's bath house. Not knowing what is really going on, he reports back everything with photos to his mother, who starts to goes crazy. The next night Butters' father goes "shopping" again. Butters follows his dad into the spa and finds his dad pleasuring himself. Butters' father tries to talk with him about the need to tell little white lies, but his mother interrupts. She is taking Butters for a drive, where she plans to kill her son by drowning him in their car, while she goes back home to kill herself there. Back at the house asks for forgiveness, telling Linda that he plans to get help. She confesses her that all this has got her confused and she tells him what she's done to their son. Meanwhile, Butters is drifting downstream in the car, which eventually comes to a stop. To cover themselves, the Stotch's claim to the media that their son was kidnapped by an individual of "average Puerto Rican height". Butters tries to make his way back home to South Park so that he can get to Bennigan's for his parent's anniversary dinner. The Ramseys come to South Park from Boulder claiming that the same Puerto Rican is responsible for their daughter's murder. They are joined by Gary Condit and OJ who make similar claims. They allow the Stotchs to join their support group, as they all hope that the Puerto Rican that has wronged them all can be found. Butters' parents argue as he walks in the door. They tell him that he needs to tell a little white lie about where he's been, but he disagrees telling them that they just need to tell the truth. So the Stotch's come clean with the media, but make a few pointed remarks about secrets, seemingly directed at the other members of their support group (liar, murderer and confess are three words strongly emphasized). In the end, with all the truth exposed, Butters realizes that sometimes it's probably okay to lie. |
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b: 12-Dec-01 pc: 514 w: Trey Parker d: Eric Stough |
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NOTE: This episode does not feature the regular opening credit sequence. |
Season 6 |
| 80. Jared Has Aides |
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The boys, Cartman, Stan and Kyle keep calling the City Wok Chinese restaurant just to hear the guy on the phone pronounce city as shitty. Butters joins them, but the others boys keep calling him either Kenny or "Not Kenny". (Kenny evidentially really did die last year.) The boys go the Kenny McKormick memorial town square, because Jared, the guys who lost all that weight eating sub sandwiches is scheduled to appear. Everyone just loves Jared. The boys go to see Jared after his appearance, and he tells them that in addition to his eating sub sandwiches to lose weight, he also got aides to help him to lose weight. The boys think that Jared meant AIDS when his first mentions it, until he introduces them to his aides Scott and Tyler. After learning the truth about Jared, the boys go home. Along the way, Cartman has a "genius moment". He decides they can do what Jared has done, eat a little of the product and exercise to lose the weight and become popular for doing it. He decides Butters is their candidate for this plan and City Wok is their restaurant of choice. Meanwhile, Jared is out with his fiancée and he confesses to her that he has aides; of course she leaves the restaurant thinking that he has AIDS and never told her. He also decides he needs to tell the public. For the boy's plan to work, they decide they've got to fatten Butters up. Jared reappears in front of the citizens of South Park and announces that he has aides and he recommends that everyone get aides. The boys take a fattened up Butters to City Wok and pitch them on their idea. The City Wok guy likes the idea. Meanwhile, Jared is fired from his sub sandwich job. Butters starts to exercise, but its not working fast enough; so the boys decide to perform liposuction on him and he loses a lot of fat quickly. Butters' parents return home to find their son giving himself liposuction, so they ground him. At South Park City Hall, Jared announces his aides for everyone campaign. The crowd rushes the stage. The boys go to Butters home to pick him up for their photo shoot. He can't leave because he was grounded 5 days for getting fat and then having liposuction. While Stan and Kyle take Butters to City Wok, Cartman stays at Butters home to answer the phone for when his parents call. When Cartman answers the phone, he only gets Butters into more trouble. Meanwhile, Jared is beating a dead horse about his desire to give everyone, including small underprivileged children aides and the angry mob is still after him. Stan, Kyle and Butters arrive at City Wok ready to do their ad campaign, just like Jared, when the owner tells them he's not interested anymore, since Jared wants everyone to have aides. They find out that the angry mob is planning to kill Jared downtown as Cartman gets Butters into even deeper trouble. Downtown Stan clears up the misunderstanding about Jared's aides and everyone has a big laugh. They also realize that 22.3 years have passed, so AIDS can be officially declared funny. Jared's image is okay once again and the boys find they can only get $15 for their deal with City Wok. Meanwhile, Butters' races home and he thanks Cartman for covering for him. Cartman leaves the house and set up a lawn chair in front of the Butters' house, waiting for Butters' parents to come home. |
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b: 06-Mar-02 pc: 602 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: This episode debuted the new opening credit sequence. |
| 81. Asspen |
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The Stotchs have the Marsh and Broflovski families over for dinner, grateful that there son seems to have some great friends to play with. The Stotchs pitch the parent's on a deal where they can all go to Aspen and stay at a condo for free, they only need to attend a 30 minute time share presentation. They tell the boys and everyone is excited as they make their way to Aspen. The next morning everyone is getting ready for skiing when the pitchmen arrive. Cartman gives Butters a "Hitler" by drawing a Hitler-style mustache on Butters' upper lip using material obtained from his butt. The parents leave the boys on their own while they go to attend the time-share condo's required 30 minute presentation. Butters keep noticing a strange smell, still unaware of his fecal matter drawn mustache. The boys take ski lessons from "Thumper" who tells them about having a "bad time" and the use of "pizza" and "French fry" for going fast and slow on skies. Meanwhile the parents are being subjected to required meeting, that turns out isn't the actual required meeting; that one will actually be held at the luncheon. On the ski slopes, like a bad teen ski movie, Stan is challenged by Tad, someone who is much older and more experienced on skis than he is. At lunch, the parents are almost treated to a nice lunch of steak and lobster. The lunch is "time shared" on them as the pitchmen keep up their assault which is keeping the parents from enjoying the ski slopes. On the bunny slope, the boys are having a good time and only mildly wonder where their parents are at. Stan keeps living the bad ski movie, as Tad challenges him to an extreme ski race. Stan hopes that Tad will go away after he accepts Tad's challenge to an extreme ski race. Tad easily wins the race as Stan "pizzas" and "French fries" his way down the slope. Despite losing, Stan is still invited to attend a party at the youth center where all the cool teens will be hanging out. The parents finally get to head to the slopes and are given a special pass that will take them on a chairlift past the crowds and quickly up the mountain. Instead the chairlift takes them to another presentation where the pitchmen are waiting with a new offer. Still only mildly wondering where their parents are the boys are now all living a bad teen ski movie when they go to the party and find out that Tad's father plans on tearing down the youth center. Tad is there and sings a song about Stan. Fed up, Stan asks him what his problem is. Tad takes it as a challenge for a rematch. The fate of the youth center is in Stan's hands as Tad's course of choice is down K-13, "the most dangerous run in all of America". Despite the risks, Stan decides he must take part in the race. The parents finally leave the presentation, only to find themselves in it again; they just can't seem to escape. Randy Marsh threatens to call the police. Stan asks "Thumper" for lessons to help him with the race. This leads into a montage showing everything that is gone on, what is at stake, etc. There is even a song about the montage, playing during the montage. At the end of the montage, Stan appears to be ready. Back at the presentation, the police are there, but it turns out only help with the sales pitch. Everyone, the police, mayor and even the President are said to be working for "Time-Share". Under the threat of guns, the parents continue to listen to the pitchmen and the police. The race down K-13 begins. Stan is slow and steady as Tad (who's far ahead) tries to make sure that Stan can't make it all the way down the hill by putting the distractions in his way. Instead one of the teens distracts Tad and Stan skis down to victory and the youth center is saved. The parents finally catch up with their children, telling them that they finally came to their senses and purchased a time-share that will allow them to come to Aspen two weeks out of every year. The boys (especially Stan) aren't interested as they've found that skiing is confusing, knowing when to "pizza", when to "French fry" and when to do all the things that happen in bad teen ski movies. |
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b: 13-Mar-02 pc: 603 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Some of the teen ski movies that were alluded to in this episode include "Aspen Extreme", "Hot Dog: the Movie" and others. IMHO, the best movie of this bunch is "Better Off Dead...". |
| 82. Freak Strike |
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Butters refuses to be a replacement for Kenny. The boys start watching The Maury Povich Show which is featuring disfigured people. When they learn that these freaks can get prizes for appearing on the show they hit upon the idea to create their own freak. Cartman calls the show and get Butters an appearance for his strange condition "chinballalitis". Butters' is against it, but they tell him that Kenny would have done it, "Kenny was cool". Then they go to visit the Star Trek dorks to get a set of prosthetic balls made for Butters' face. The boys send Butters to New York, on his own, to appear on the show. At the studio he meets the other freaks in the green room and finds out about the freak circuit that is how they make there living. Then the freaks tell him how they treated a freak that turned out to be a fraud. Butters as "Napoleon Bonaparte" makes his appearance on Maury's show. As his prize, Butters is sent directly to the world's largest putt-putt golf course in the world, which means that the other boys can't share the prize. Cartman calls the Povich show to see if he can get on the show with balls on his face. The show isn't going to be doing freaks for a while; so Cartman jumps at the opportunity to appear on a segment called "Please Help My Out of Control Child". He convinces his mother to go to New York and lie for him. Butters returns from New York and his parents ground him. Butters finds out that the freaks are looking for him. He thinks they are going to find out he is a fraud, but they really want to invite him to participate in their freak strike. Cartman and his mother are set to appear on the show but after the first guests appear, Cartman realizes that he is going to have to change his image if he is going to win the prize. At the freak strike "Freak Out 2K2" and Butters is reluctant to participate. Cartman and his mother appear on the show and Cartman is dressed as a total slut. He and the first guest try to out-skank each other. Meanwhile, at the freak strike, the police arrive telling them they must disband, the freaks plan to respond by breaking out the big guns and prepare the video sabotage. The third guest appears on Maury's show and starting to steal the show, when the video sabotage occurs and the true freaks (with Butters) break into the broadcast. Their message to the viewers is that they need to look for the true freaks, with the union label. The audience realizes they are right and leave. The ratings start to plummet. Maury agrees to negotiate. Cartman confronts Butters and rips Butters' fake balls from his chin. The freak crowd sees this and goes after Cartman. Just when Butters' thinks he is in the clear, his parent's arrive. |
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b: 20-Mar-02 pc: 601 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 83. Fun With Veal |
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The kids are on a field trip to Rancher Bob's where they learn about beef. They children (sans Cartman) are disgusted when they find out where veal comes from. The boys decide they need to help the baby cows. That night Stan, Kyle and Butters go to Cartman's, because they need him for his MISSION: Impossible Breaking and Entering play set. He demands that Kyle kiss his ass for his participation. To his disgust, Kyle does. The boys break into the barn and Stan lets the baby cows loose. Only the cows can't move, since they've never walked. One by one they carry the calves to Stan house. To help the calves get strong enough to walk, Butters brings over a Susanne Sommers "Calf Exerciser". Meanwhile, Officer Barbrady and the rancher appear at the Marsh house. Stan's parents are surprised when they see Stan's room filled with calves. Stan pleads his case, but his mother tells him that he has to give the calves back and there is nothing he can do about it. Stan responds by shutting the door in her face and locking it. The boys decide that they will not let the calves out of Stan's room until they have a guarantee of their safety. The other parents arrive at the Marsh home. Sheila and Butter's father try to reach their children, but the boys have survived the first round. The next morning the boys wake up hungry and wondering what to do, when Cartman's mother gives them a picnic basket of food. The boys dig in to the fried chicken and beef jerky, only Stan refuses to eat any meat. At hour 34, the local news is covering the siege and calling the boys terrorists. When the story doesn't prove interesting enough, the TV station switches over to "Puppies around the World". At hour 53 a group of hippies joins the protest. Cartman is disgusted that they've become like "no good, dirty goddamned hippies." At hour 75, the FBI arrives to put an end to the conflict and Stan is showing signs of an illness. The FBI negotiator tries to match wits with Cartman, the negotiator loses. At hour 154, the FBI gives the boys guns and ammunition. Meanwhile, Stan is still showing signs of getting sick. At hour 169, they give Cartman a missile and they tell him that the FDA has officially renamed veal. The FBI negotiator reports that the boys are prepared to come out, if they are given a truck to transport them and the cattle to Denver's airport where they can fly to Mexico. They also demand that Michael Dorn, Worf from Star Trek: TNG, drive the truck in full makeup. That FBI negotiator is replaced by a new that only plans to give in to half of their demands. At hour 201, Michael Dorn and the truck arrives. The boys come out and load the truck with the calves. Stan appears to be very ill; his face is covered with sores. As the truck is passing the cattle ranch, the truck is stopped and the game is over. Cartman orders "Worf" to kill them and he refuses, causing Cartman to comment "some goddamned Klingon you are." The calves are unloaded, but the rancher claims they are now worthless, since the boys got the FDA to change the word veal to "little tortured baby cow." Stan can't celebrate as his sickness has gotten the better of him. The doctor says that he arrived at the hospital just in time. Stan had "vaginitis", the sores were tiny little vaginas that were forming on his skin and had it gone too long, he would have turned into one big giant pussy. The disease started in Stan when he stopped eating meat. |
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b: 27-Mar-02 pc: 605 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 84. The Terrance & Phillip Movie Trailer |
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The boys get ready to watch "The Russell Crowe Show," where each week Russell sets out to go "Fightin' around the World"; which Russell does from the very start of the episode. Shelly interrupts the boys and we learn that the reason they are really watching the show is to see the "exclusive never-before-seen" trailer for the new Terrance & Phillip movie. Shelly, who'd rather watch Buffy..., but will settle for just making Stan unhappy, allows Stan to strike a deal with her. She's just started getting her period and need tampons, Stan has to go to the store to get her some before she returns. As low man on the totem pole, Butters is giving the task of making the tampon purchase. Meanwhile, on "The Russell Crowe Show," Russell through the recommendation of his tugboat "Tugger" decides to go to China, but before he leaves he beats up a couple of fans. Cartman starts to make adjustments on the TV and blows it up. Desperate the boys race over to Kyle's, meeting Butters along the way, with his tampon purchase in hand. The boys interrupt Ike's program The McNeil-Lehrer Report and tune in just as Russell Crowe is looking for a fight in Tiananmen Square, which he finds or rather starts. Kyle's father makes them give the TV back to Ike. The boys leave, not able to go to Butters (for reasons unknown) or Cartman's house (fumigation), they decide to go to Chef's, who has a new plasma TV with surround sound. Chef isn't quite sure how to turn on his new system, which has "more features than a space shuttle", but the TV is turned on just as the "The Russell Crowe Show" goes to its first commercial break... The first commercial break is a bust; the boys figured it wouldn't be in the first break just so they'd have to keep watching this stupid show. Russell Crowe is now in Brooklyn, where there are a lot of minorities. Chef starts trying to show off the features of his new television and hides the picture on screen behind all the TV's on screen menus. He finally invokes the H.E.M. (Human Eradication Mode) which turns the TV into a robot a la ED-209 from "RoboCop" and the TV leaves the house, blasting away with its lasers. Desperate again the boys race to the local bar where they tune in to find Russell Crowe angry with his editor for cutting the Brooklyn scene short; so Crowe beats up the editor. The boys are thrown out of the bar, despite Cartman's offer of Butters giving hand jobs in the corner, to which Butters exclaims that he's good at all kinds of jobs. Meanwhile, Chef is on the line with customer support trying to stop his television from its killing rampage. The boys stop at a retirement home to take over their television. On the "The Russell Crowe Show" Tugger tries to escape while Russell sings one of his songs, he finally succeeds when he shoots himself. Will he survive? Find out after these messages... Even though they are disappointed after the second break, still no commercial, the boys stay tuned to the show, despite the old people's desire to watch "Puppies Around the World". Russell finds out Tugger's fate, he'll be okay, which makes Russell feel like fighting. Back in the real world, the elderly release their bowels, driving the boys out of their home. Even more desperate, the boys go to Cartman's home, despite the fact that it is covered by a tent and being fumigated. On his show, Russell decides he needs to take up a cause, so he decides to fight cancer, only that "pussy" cancer is nowhere to be found. The fumes are getting to them. Stan remembers that they have an old black and white television; so they race back to his place. When they arrive, Butters realizes he never gave Shelly her tampons and as Stan opens the door, a flood of blood spills through the doorway. Shelly yells out the window that she told them she needed tampons. The boys spot some nearby crack addicts with a TV. They tune it to Russell's show in time to find him beating up a man with cancer. Chef's TV interrupts their viewing by destroying their TV, with Chef still in pursuit and on the line with customer service. They finally find out from Butters why they can't go to his house, it's because he doesn't have a baby-sitter, that's why he was staying at Stan's. Deciding that they will kill Butters later, the boys race to Butter's home, just in time for the start of the third commercial break... After the first part of this commercial break is over, the boys rant and rave about the length of the last commercial break and other issues, when finally what they've been waiting for has arrived, the trailer for the new Terrance & Phillip movie "Asses of Fire 2", coming June 21st 2002. Finally Russell wraps up his show. |
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b: 03-Apr-02 pc: 604 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Whenever there was a commerical in the "Russel Crowe show" there actually was a commercial. |
| 85. Professor Chaos |
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The boys (Stan, Kyle and Cartman) decide to fire Butters as their replacement best friend for Kenny, the primary reason his being so lame. At home Butters reflects on his firing and decides that if he is going to be an outcast than he will become the greatest super villain the world has ever seen. He creates a super villain costume and calls himself Professor Chaos. Tomorrow the chaos will begin. The next day, Stan, Kyle and Cartman hold auditions for a replacement best friend. The have twenty possibilities to choose from, which they will cut down to 10 after a visit to the amusement park. Meanwhile, Professor Chaos causes confusion at the local Bennigans and elsewhere. Highlights of the amusement park visit are shown, the boys and some of their candidates comment on the day's events. Token, Clyde, Craig, Timmy, Pip, Jimmy, Jason, Towelie, Luigi and Tweek all make the cut, the rest are told to "get the fudge out". Butters finds out that the local news has had no coverage of the chaos that he's created. He decides to step it up a notch. At the school, the boys now want to evaluate how their new friend may work for them during class time. Ms. Choksondik searches for her chalkboard eraser, which disappeared, courtesy of Professor Chaos. The children search, but can't find it. So she pulls out her backup, but she's not smart enough for Professor Chaos. Butters gets an excuse to go to the bathroom, but returns in his guise as the Professor and steals the backup as well. Back at home, Butters dresses his hamsters in outfits and makes them Professor Chaos's minions. He receives a note from someone who knows who he is and wants to meet him at the dock. The boys knock their list down from 10 candidates to six. Token, Timmy, Tweek, Pip, Towelie and Jimmy all make this cut, the rest are told to "get the fudge out". At the dock, Professor Chaos meets with Dougie, who knows his secret. The Professor sets his minions after Dougie, but they run the other way. Dougie a fellow outcast wants to join with the Professor. Butters accepts him and gives him the name General Disarray. There first mission together is to find where the Professor's minions have run off to. Highlights of the swimsuit and talent competition are shown, the boys and some of their candidates comment on those events. The boys then take their candidates to a baseball game. At the game, the Jumbotron picture is interrupted. Professor Chaos is shown on screen trying to implement his latest plan, to flood the world with a garden hose. The crowd responds by taking all their clothes off. Back in South Park, the boys try to make their final decision. Jimmy tries to bribe them. At Butters' home, the water department thwarts Professor Chaos' plan, turning off the hose. The boys are about to announce their final choice for a new friend, as Professor Chaos decides to implement his back up plan. The Professor and General Disarray start using aerosol spray cans in an effort to destroy the ozone layer, when the announcer interrupts asking these thought provoking questions:
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b: 10-Apr-02 pc: 606 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 86. Simpsons Already Did It |
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Kyle and Stan are building a snowman with their new best friend Tweek. Cartman arrives showing them an ad for "Sea People" and convinces them to each contribute $4 a piece so they can place their order and have them tomorrow. Butters (as Professor Chaos) and General Disarray start to launch "Evil Plot 4-B", which is to blot out the sun with an 80 foot high by 50 foot wide giant shade. General Disarray informs him that they already did that on The Simpsons. Professor Chaos looks for another plan. Cartman dreams about having adventure with his "Sea People." The "Sea People" have arrived and Cartman prepares his friends to help welcome them. Stan identifies the "Sea People" for what they really are brine shrimp. Cartman is discouraged, his dreams of the "Sea People" taking him away from reality have been destroyed, and he wants them thrown away. Kyle suggests that they put them in their teacher's coffee the next morning, which they agree to do. Cut to the next morning when the boys and others are watching Ms. Choksondik's body being loaded into an ambulance. Cartman tells the other boys they must keep a strict vow of silence on the matter, to which Tweek exclaims "Jesus Christ we killed her!" At the home of General Disarray, Professor Chaos arrives with the results of his latest scheme. He has removed the head from the statue in the town's square. The local news coverage reminds him that this same event occurred in a classic episode of the The Simpsons. Everyone in town is delighted at the prank and prefers to leave it headless so that they can always be reminded of this classic show. Professor Chaos is bummed out. Meanwhile, the boys are watching "Terrence & Philip" and are pretending like nothing has happened. When they switch over to the news they see a report that says that the cause of death for Diane Choksondik has not yet been found, but a quantity of "Sea Men" was found in her stomach. Tweek wants nothing to do with the others, but they suggest that he, as their new best friend, might have to take the fall. The boys go to see Chef for some advice and he has none to offer. They decide that they must break into the morgue and retrieve their "Sea Men" from Ms. Choksondik's body. Professor Chaos lies out "Plan #123-D" (monorail) for General Disarray, who informs him "The Simpsons already did it in episode 204(sic)". [See note 1 below.] The Simpsons have also already done his plans #124-A (web site gossip) and #129-E (buried angel) as well. At the hospital, the boys search for "Sea Men" in Ms. Choksondik's body. When the morgue attendants return, the boys hide. With nowhere else to go, Cartman hides himself in Ms. Choksondik's body. When the coast is clear, the boys escape, but Cartman remains behind to gather the sample. Professor Chaos is informed that The Simpsons have already done plans #127-C (soccer riot) and #125-E (shaken beer can). Discouraged, Professor Chaos decides he might just run away and join the circus, until he is informed "The Simpsons did it." [See note 2 below.] Cartman has Ms. Choksondik's semen sample, which he returns to the "Sea People" tank. Chef arrives with tickets to get them out of town. They tell him that he doesn't need to worry any longer; they've retrieved the "Sea Men." Confused, he has them tell their story from the beginning. Now that Chef understands what has really happened, he tells them there is nothing to worry about; Ms. Choksondik couldn't have died from the brine shrimp. Chef and the other boys leave Cartman in his bedroom, where he goes to sleep with no worries; but he soon may have something to worry about as the sperm in the semen sample that he put into his "Sea People" tank have joined with the brine shrimp. At the bus stop the next morning Cartman gets the boys to come to his place to see what has happened. It seems per Cartman's "Final Theory of Composite Dynamics" that the "Sea People + Sea Men" have joined together to create a "Sea Ciety," to the point where they have built buildings, etc. Cartman wants to where they can take this, so he needs a bigger tank, more "Sea People" (5 gallons worth) and 10 gallons of "Sea Men," which he will go out on the town and collect himself. Having watched all 132 episodes (sic) of the The Simpsons [See note 3 below.], Professor Chaos is hit upon a scheme that they haven't already done, that is to replace the contents of a cherry with "yukky, sticky mayonnaise." General Disarray comments that The Simpsons' scheme would have been more clever. When they are ready to leave to execute this evil scheme an ad comes on for tonight's episode of The Simpsons in which Bart is going to replace the contents of a chocolate covered cherry with mayonnaise. [See note 4 below.] At South Park's Sperm Bank Cartman negotiates to get all the semen they can give him. Professor Chaos is seeing The Simpsons in everyone and everywhere he goes. At Cartman's home all the elements come together to allow them to see what kind of "Sea Ciety" they can create with the bigger tank. The following morning, Cartman awakes to find that the "Sea People" have evolved even further. The "Sea People" are worshipping his as their god. Everyone is invited over to Cartman's house to see this new "Sea Ciety." Butters is there, but is still seeing The Simpsons in everyone and everything. In fact he even realizes that Cartman's civilization was already done as a story on the The Simpsons. To which the boys reply "so;" after all The Simpsons have been on the air for over 13 years and they have already done everything. Chef adds that the particular part of The Simpsons was actually taken from an episode of The Twilight Zone. With all this new information, Butters is ready to wreak chaos once again. Meanwhile in the "Sea Ciety" a statue of Tweek is created and the two disparate parts of the "Sea Ciety" go to war with each another and blow themselves up. |
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b: 26-Jun-02 pc: 607 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
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NOTE: Notes referenced in synopsis...
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| 87. Red Hot Catholic Love |
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Father Maxi announces that some of the parish's boys will be able to participate on weekend boat trip with bishops and priests from around the country. Given the very idea of it causes Randy Marsh to hallucinate about "The Catholic Boat" and causes him to recommend that their boys shouldn't participate in such a trip, given all that has been going on in the news about priests molesting young boys. The parents decide that their boys shouldn't participate in this trip, at least until after they discover if Father Maxi has been hiding anything from them. To that end they bring in an outside counselor who begins to question the boys about Father Maxi. Before the results are in, the parents decide to become atheists, after all why would God allow their children to be molested. Because of a question the counselor has asked them, the boys try to figure out what a priest would have ever wanted to put in their butts. They try to ask Chef, but he just leaves, avoiding the topic. Cartman has a theory that maybe if you stuck food in your butt, you would crap out of your mouth. Kyle, who's just joined the boys, tells Cartman that's impossible and he agrees to a $20 bet that Cartman is wrong. The parents tell their children that they are atheists now. In the meantime, Father Maxi has convened a meeting of fellow priests to figure out how their can bring their church attendance figures back up and more importantly, how to keep the boys mouths shut. When those statements are made, Father Maxi is shocked to find out his fellow priests have regularly been engaging in sexual activity with boys. It's their "way of life." He decides he needs to go to the Vatican for help. Cartman is trying crap something out of his mouth and to Kyle's amazement he is successful. In Vatican City, Father Maxi meets with the Pope and an assemblage of priests, bishops and cardinals from around the world. Father Maxi is further shocked to discover that having sex with young boys is a "way of life" for priests around the world. His suggestion that they change their "holy document of Vatican law" to forbid sex with young boys is met with numerous protests. Cartman asks Kyle what he can buy with the $20 he won. At the Marsh home, atheist life is shown to have its advantages. Stan tells them about Cartman's achievement with food. Randy doesn't believe it, so he tries it for himself and is surprised with the result. Father Maxi suggests that sex with women be allowed instead. He is eventually told that the reason that the "holy document of Vatican law" cannot be changed is because no one knows where it is, other than it is somewhere in the basement of St. Peters and that several trials must be overcome to retrieve it. Cartman is still relishing in have Kyle's $20, when the boys see a news report with the surgeon general who says that ingesting food backwards is healthier for you. People all over the country are changing their eating habits. For his discovery of this new method of healthy eating, Cartman is going to be given a medal from the mayor. Kyle is beside himself at this news. Despite being interrupted to answer a few questions about other matters, on Martha Stewart's Living program she gives advice on preparing foods that are easy to insert up the ass. She demonstrates it on a whole turkey. Meanwhile, under St. Peter's Father Maxi prepares himself for the trials he will encounter on his quest to retrieve the "holy document." After a "Pitfall" videogame style set of trials, he finds the document. Back in South Park at a meeting of the Atheists club the parents decide that they must combat the religious right to get the phrase under God removed from "The Pledge of Allegiance" and any reference to God removed from currency. Father Maxi returns with the document and he asks for changes to be made. The Pope pipes up and requests that they consult a higher authority. "The Great Queen Spider" is summoned and she says that the rules cannot be changed. Outraged at all this, Father Maxi tears up the holy document and St. Peter's begins to crumble all around them. Cartman is still delighting in Kyle's $20, when Kyle finally tells Cartman that he was totally 100% right all along and that he should have never doubted him and he is proud to have him as a friend. This really pisses Cartman off. The boy's parents are delighted to hear that the Vatican is burning down. In watching the television coverage, they are all moved back into the option of having religion back in their lives, when they hear Father Maxi tell his fellow Catholics that they need to change and get in touch with the real world. After all, without religion in their lives they'll just go around spewing a bunch of crap out of their mouths. |
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b: 03-Jul-02 pc: 608 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 88. Free Hat |
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The boys are at the movies to see a new edition of Star Wars: Episode V and they become outraged when they see previews for all the release movies that are coming out with digitally enhanced effects. When they find out what has changed in the movie they are about to see, they decide to leave the theatre. They decide to form a club to save films from their directors that have started changing their favorite movies. To get people to come to the first meeting of their new club, Cartman suggests that they offer free hats. Not knowing how many will show up for the meeting, Tweek is charged with making at least 50 hats, which Cartman says they can make out of newspaper. The next day Tweek only shows up with 15 hats, which wouldn't be a problem, except that Stan estimates that about 1,000 people have shown up. Yes, a large number did turn out, although not for the boys' cause, or for a free hat; they thought the "free Hat" on the poster was to help get a guy named Hat McCullough released from prison. The boys convince these people to help them out with their cause and the boys promise to also help "free Hat." Ted Koppel wants the boys to appear on Nightline wants the boys to come on the show to talk about their cause. Ted briefly mentions the boys' film cause but goes right into wanting to know why the boys want to free Hat McCullough, a self-confessed serial killer of 23 babies. The topic gets changed over to their cause and the boys start to make their points when Steven Spielberg and George Lucas join them on the show. The boys believe it is all about making money, while the directors cite wanting to reach a new audience. When Kyle makes a comment about "Raiders of the Lost Ark," it makes Spielberg and Lucas realize that they've forgotten to update that film. With "Raiders..." on the line, the boys try to get their group to help them retrieve the original negative of the film. Their group agrees, but first they need to "free Hat". With no help from their club members, the boys decide they need to go the Skywalker Ranch themselves. With too much pressure, Tweek wants out; but the boys give he him another chance to continue being their new best friend. At the Skywalker Ranch the boys find the negative, but are caught by George Lucas. They attempt to cool George's icy heart with a cool island song. They just about get George over to their cause, when Spielberg enters with his walkie-talkie toting guards. The boys attempt to escape, only Tweek manages to get away, the others are caught and Spielberg plans to keep them prisoner until the premiere of the revised version of "Raiders..." We segue to the commercial break, where there is an ad for the "digitally re-enhanced re-release of the pilot episode of South Park." Matt and Trey appear in the commercial commenting that the reason they used construction paper was because it was cheap. Now it will look sharp, clean, focused and expensive. Tweek appeals to the members of the club for help in rescuing the other boys, but they are still more interested in the "free Hat" aspect of their organization. In fact they decide implement a variation of the boys plan by trying to use a fresh island song to cool the hot temper of the governor, so that he will free Hat McCullough. This leaves Tweek alone and on his own to rescue the boys. The remainder of the episode is mostly reminiscent of end of the "Raiders..." Tweek finds the boys being led to the premiere of the film and with his bazooka Tweek is prepared to blow up the revised print of the film. Only Spielberg convinces Tweek that he really wants to see this new print of the film and Tweek does give in. Meanwhile the other members of their club entertain the governor. The "Raiders" premiere begins. The boys are tied up in the background as the "Ark of the Covenant" is opened and the new print is removed. Stan tells the other boys to close their eyes and not watch the film. The film is as bad as the boys have feared and Lucas, Coppola and Spielberg come to their end, a la the Nazis in "Raiders..." Back in South Park, the boys are congratulated on their accomplishment of getting Hat McCullough released from prison. Kyle wonders if they did a good thing. They also wonder what happened to the original "Raiders..." negatives. Stan tells them not worry; they are where no one will ever find them. We cut to a warehouse filled with crates that are ear-marked for the Red Cross's 9/11 Relief Funds. |
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b: 10-Jul-02 pc: 609 w: Trey Parker d: Toni Nugnes |
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NOTE: Considering the basis of the show (Lucas/Spielberg making special editions of old movies). There are numerous "reenactments" of Lucas/Spielberg Movies. For instance when Tweek is going to destroy the new version of "Raiders of the Lost Ark", it's a damn good cartoon version of the actual scene that was shot. |
| 89. Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society |
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Two weeks after the death of Ms. Choksondik the boys have to return to school. Cartman, who isn't quite over the tragic death, is in the basement playing with his dolls. At school, when Bebe returns she shows the other girls that she has begun to develop breasts. Mr. Mackey has become their substitute teacher and he decides to help them get over the death of Ms. Choksondik by hiding their emotions with math problems. Kyle is the first boy to notice something different about Bebe. All the boys begin to take notice. When Bebe answers the first math problem, all the boys are in awe of how smart she is. They decide she can hang out with them. They all invite her to come throw rocks at cars with them. When Kyle tries to show Bebe a better method for throwing rocks, he and the other boy's primal instincts start to flair up as they vie for Bebe's attention. When Bebe enters the classroom the next day, all the boys say hi, while Wendy rolls her eyes and says "Oh for Christ's sake." Mr. Mackey asked the students to write a paper. It turns out that all the boys have written their papers about Bebe. The boys love it when Bebe reads her paper and laugh when they heard the subject of Wendy's paper. In the lunchroom the boys are looking for Bebe, the girls on the other hand are talking about Bebe. Bebe overhears some of the girl's parting comments. Bebe is distraught with her girlfriends having said those things to her. She talks with her mother about the fact that she now has guy friends who think she is "smart and cool." She decides if the girls don't want to be her friend that's okay, "guys are way cooler anyways." Stan, Kyle and Cartman have a meeting with Tweek. The purpose of which is to get rid of a friend to make room for Bebe as their new best friend. Cartman decides that Kyle should go; but both Kyle and Stan both object. They also object when Cartman suggests that they should get rid Tweek. At the bus stop the next morning the lineup is Stan, Kyle, Bebe and Tweek; Cartman has been kicked out. Cartman voices his anger at the other boys, but tells Bebe she is still cool. The boys decide to make Bebe their class president. Since Wendy is already class president, she objects; even if they don't, Wendy knows why the boys are drawn to Bebe. Stan, Kyle and Tweek are going over to Bebe's house to watch Terrance & Phillip. At the door they encounter Timmy and some of the other boys who were planning to visit Bebe as well. The boys all find out that Bebe is with Cartman. Bebe is in Cartman's basement with him playing with Cartman's dolls. The boys find them there and they all try to get Bebe's attention. Their primal instincts take hold again and they start fighting over her. Bebe is staying inside her home as the boys are outside fighting amongst themselves. Bebe's mother tells her she is blossoming into a woman. Bebe isn't sure she wants to. She realizes that her hooters are the reason the boys are interested in her. The boys are shooed home, but in their primal state two crash-landed space shuttle astronauts decide they would rather be dead then live on a planet ruled by apes. Bebe sees a doctor to find out about breast reduction surgery, she has $212 and a gold bracelet. Bebe wants the surgery so that she won't be treated differently the rest of her life. If she has everything she wants, she'll grow up to be a lame person. The doctor isn't in favor of her getting the reduction surgery, but he does offer to enlarge them for her. Sharon Marsh is worried about her son. Randy realizes that Stan has discovered breasts and he has a talk with him, telling him that there will be many in his lifetime. He shouldn't let them get in the way of his friendships, until he finds the right set of boobs to spend the rest of his life with. Bebe makes the decision to not let her conspiring breasts control her life. Wendy sees the doctor seeking breast implants. Since she has $3000 she is a perfect candidate, despite only being 8 years old. In class the next day Bebe shows up wearing a cardboard box and it neutralizes her breasts effect on the boys. Stan realizes the power of the breast and they decide that its power won't get in their way any longer. When Wendy walks in with her over-sized enlarged breasts, the boys just start laughing at her. |
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b: 17-Jul-02 pc: 610 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
| 90. Child Abduction is Not Funny |
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Tweek is watching TV and learns that children are not safe. With fear of child abductions, his parent's talk to him about the fact that they have installed new locks on his windows and doors and that he should never allow anyone, other than his parents into his room. That night they test him and he fails. They remind him of the danger of talking with strangers. When he goes to the movies with the other boys he freaks out when he doesn't recognize the ticket taker, so he runs away. He keeps running into strangers asking him for help, so he keeps freaking out and running away. Later that night "The Ghost of Human Kindness" comes to reform Tweek. The ghost shows him examples of human kindness that always gets overlooked by the news. "The Ghost of Human Kindness" turns out to be a child abductor named Frederick Johnson who is caught. The outraged parents demand that the mayor take action. The parents suggest a way to keep unwanted strangers out of their town, build a wall around it. The mayor and parents appeal to the owner of City Wok to build a wall for them around the town. The City Wok owner builds them a "Great Wall" like the one his own ancestors built centuries ago. With the wall completed the City Wok owner finds that some Mongolians have come to try knocking it down. Stan's parents purchase a Child Tracker, which Stan must wear on his head like a helmet. He worries about being seen in it, but he has nothing to fear, since all of the children are now wearing them. The Mongolians make another assault on the "Great Wall." The South Park Cows baseball team finds that they must play against no one, since the "Great Wall" keeps everyone out. A new study comes out that indicates that most child abductions occur by someone the child knows in their town. The parents immediately take their children home. The City Wok owner plans to defeat the Mongolians with a heat-seeking missile surprise; they divert it by throwing a flaming baseball back at the owner. The parents wait at the bus stop with their children and then attend class with them. The City Wok owner plans to use a sweet and sour pork concoction on the Mongolian's heads. The Mongolians deliver a Trojan Mongolian Horse to the gate. The owner, knowing what is going on plays their game, only to be surprised when he is covered by the contents of the horse, a sweet and sour pork concoction. The news reports more facts about child abductions; it turns out most abductions are done by the child's parents. To reduce temptation, the parents send their children out on their own. The City Wok owner is licked free of the sweet and sour pork by a dog. The parents wonder where their children have gone. The children have found a safe haven for themselves; they are living with the Mongolians. The City Wok owner makes his last stand to protect the "Great Wall." The boys help the Mongolians to blow a hole in the wall. Their parents see them on the other side of the wall and begin to realize that they've overreacted to all the sensationalistic news reports. The parents fear that their children don't recognize them. Stan comments on how stupid their parents are and Kyle tells the parents it has only been four days. The parents work to renew their bonds with their children. Tweek's father comments that the "The Ghost of Human Kindness" was right all along. Randy Marsh thinks it was the Mongolians who proved that walls built around things need to be knocked down to bring people together. The mayor tells the City Wok owner to tear down the wall. As Stan goes home with his parents he comments to Stan that their parents have done some really stupid things in the past, but this one... |
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b: 24-Jul-02 pc: 611 w: Trey Parker d: Trey Parker |
Special |
| South Park 5th Anniversary Special |
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This was a pay-per-view cable event that features Matt & Trey celebrating their 5th anniversary "with their favorite episodes, and a star studded party packed with celebrity guests." |
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b: 03-Sep-02 |